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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24586405">shatter our world in a firework</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenjuMizusaya/pseuds/SenjuMizusaya'>SenjuMizusaya</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Blood and Gore, Canon Divergence, Disturbing Themes, Dubious Morality, F/F, F/M, Genderbending, Mental Health Issues, Politics, Reincarnation, Smut, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Violence, Worldbuilding, let’s explore and flesh out other villages, this fic says no to moral pedestals plot armor and bashing, you are not somebody you want to meet on the battlefield</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:55:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>31,128</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24586405</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenjuMizusaya/pseuds/SenjuMizusaya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Once, there had been a different person in a different world from a different time. </p><p>Now, when you looked in the mirror the reflection of a golden haired, blue eyed girl with wide grins and a voice in her head stared back.</p><p> </p><p>(How to light canon on fire.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dai-nana-han | Team 7 &amp; Hatake Kakashi, Deidara (Naruto)/Reader, Reader/Various</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>150</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't own Naruto, believe it!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter's tags which didn't make it to the Additional Tags: <em>say hello to plot twists, you're the plot twist, you're twisting the plot</em></p><p>I swear that chapters are going to be longer than this, but seeing as it's the prologue I think I'm excused this once... Please wait with judging until you've reached the end, though, I promise it will make sense^^</p><p>Also, keep in mind that the Hidden Villages are all locked into a Cold War, which is especially bad in the ten years after the Third Shinobi War. It seems like it wasn't until a year or two before canon that things seemed to start thawing up. (And then Suna and Orochimaru spasmed.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Once, there’d been memories enough to make oceans overflow. Certainly enough to ricochet through your head and drown you in their messy, constantly shifting currents until they threatened to pull you away from reality. </p><p>Once, there’d been memories enough to make you wonder if this life wasn't actually real.</p><p>Once, before years passed and you grew up and they faded, you’d forced your four year old hand to move a pen across pages and write down every recollection about this universe: it was difficult and sometimes close to unreadable, but it was also safe from everybody else. English did not exist here, so even if somebody took the time to stare at your chicken scrawl it wouldn’t make any sense to them. </p><p>Once, there had been a different person in a different world from a different time. </p><p>Now, when you looked in the mirror the reflection of a golden haired, blue eyed girl with wide grins and a voice in her head stared back. </p><p>.</p><p>There was never a moment of revelation. </p><p>When you pinpointed that this couldn't have been your first life (somewhere around the time you waddled out of your toddler years, of which you had little recollection), it was more of a realization that you had known this already. </p><p>When you figured out this was the Naruto universe (seeing ninja hop across roofs had that effect, and then there was the telltale matter of forehead protectors), the world had been so normalized from a young age that it was never a surprise. All you did was dredge up every speck of discipline your new child self possessed and forced yourself to dig through the hazy whirlpool of memories to ink them onto paper before they could escape you forever. Now, at seven, you weren't certain if what you knew about the future were your own original memories or only there because of your book. </p><p>Most other things had faded away already, things like the names of cousins and classmates or locations. </p><p>You supposed this new you feeling more real than the old one eased the transition, made living like a normal (<em>well</em>) person possible since you'd been able to adsorb culture and language. Otherwise you might never have felt as though this world mattered much, if at all. Otherwise you might never have felt how real it all was. Otherwise you might never have been able to come to terms with this you.</p><p><em>Otherwise</em>, a whisper in your skull started, and you turned your attention away before you had to hear the rest.</p><p>This had always been there, a lurking wraith in your mind. The more you limited the attention directed that way, the easier it was to <em>almost</em> forget about him and move on.</p><p>(Once, this hadn't been part of your life.)</p><p>.</p><p>There were whispers, a fluttering breeze of them rippling around the village and glances thrown your way.</p><p>"I heard," one person said as they came to pick up their child from the Academy. </p><p>"And I heard," an other answered under her breath. You wondered why it was almost always the mothers who picked up their children from ninja school. You knew the answer. Cinders burned in your throat.</p><p><em>You're in pain, so do something, hm</em>, the voice spoke inside your ear, and you swore you could feel a hot, egging breath against your skin,<em> you only have to reach out</em>-</p><p>You wanted to snap a <em>shut up</em>, but soothed a mental <em>shh</em> and banned the voice from your head again. </p><p>This was the one conflict you didn't want to get bogged down in.</p><p>"They say there's a prodigy in this class," a mother gushed, threading her fingers through her small, tender seven year old child's hair. "They say-" </p><p>People said and people heard and all the while you felt energy thrumming inside and noses break beneath your fists during the taijutsu matches your sensei had started arranging now that you were in your second Academy grade. Skills were still rudimentary, but experience was key to improving and hardening, <em>honing</em>, little kids into ninja to be pumped into a world system surviving on violence. </p><p>You'd gotten good at breaking noses: it had taken some practice, because at your punches hadn't been as precise and small scars from front teeth cutting skin littered your knuckles. In fact, you'd gotten good at using your hands in general: knot-tying, taijutsu, the games meant to prepare for weaving hand signs... </p><p>You were good at those. </p><p>You weren't certain if that was a good thing or not. </p><p>
  <em>Of course-</em>
</p><p>Your fist met the side of a nose and it snapped to the side with a crunch. Your attention remained firmly on the crying boy sagging in front of you, face in his hands and blood soaking into the collar of his shirt. You'd won the semi-finals of this mock tournament. Again.</p><p><em>It's not enough</em>, and you wanted to hush the voice but then wondered if that hadn't been your own thought. It probably was.</p><p>Energy pulsed hotly, thickly, and you swallowed it down before leaving the sparring circle. </p><p>"It's my turn now," a classmate named Sakura who'd made your heart lurch and mind race and stumble during your first day of school, fretted and worried her lower lip. Her brow was furrowed. You passed her wordlessly as she padded into the ring. </p><p>The assistant teacher turned to the crying boy who was trying to not sniffle: "Go to the infirmary." </p><p>He rushed away. </p><p>The sun was beaming down at the world.</p><p>.</p><p>Seven year olds should be playing tag. They should have soft limbs and round faces and gritty hands from playing outside. They should get tired after running down the street and not be able to throw knives with any kind of precision. </p><p>This was what whatever remained of your old consciousness tried to tell you. </p><p>Here, seven year olds played tag with the additional rule (dictated by the teachers) that whoever lost would have to run extra laps around the field, <em>so you better run fast</em>. Here, limbs were being hardened by muscles under a carefully regulated curriculum meant to push the limits without leaving lasting damage to these little bodies. Here, hands were gritty from playing outside and calloused from practicing with wooden kunai and shuriken. Here, it took much more than a run around the house to tire the ninja-hopefuls and target practice was standard. </p><p><em>Feel worse about this, </em>you tried to tell yourself<em>, you should be more put off, you shouldn't feel as though this is normal. </em></p><p>A voice snickered, and you retreated so far away from your mind that whatever words he spoke never reached you.</p><p>It was like the monster-under-the-bed situation, wherein perhaps the monster wouldn't come as long as you didn't check, as long as you didn't look at it, as long as... </p><p>But there were no monsters under beds. They were somewhere completely else. </p><p><em>You're a coward, you laugh and you train hard but you're still a coward who won't</em>-</p><p>"Hush," you murmured, only realizing it was out loud when the boy who you shared your hiding place with during this game of tag shot you a bewildered look. You didn't know him: it was after school and you doubted he knew you, and on top of that he was in his first year. "You- you were fidgeting." </p><p>You beamed, wide and white in a golden tanned face. </p><p>He flushed with embarrassment at being scolded by an upperclassman and nodded. </p><p>The two of you went especially still when one of the chasers ran past your bush, screams and laughter filling the air a bit further down where an other chaser had found some other first or second years hidden between two rocks. </p><p>"I'm Sagan," the boy introduced himself, small and brunette and dark eyed, entirely forgettable. His hair brushed past his chin. You thought the two of you had probably played in the same group before, but couldn't say for sure. The Third Shinobi War had ended only two and a half years ago and both fathers <em>and</em> mothers were still constantly running on missions to make it seem as though the village hadn't suffered any losses and was as strong as before, which meant children from the Academy spent most of their free time playing together on the school grounds. There would always be a handful of children there, even during the midst of peace times, but never this many: after having children, most women either retired or only took missions lasting a few hours. </p><p>"It's nice to meet you," you spoke, then went quiet when the chaser from before passed again. Sagan looked tense. You nudged him with a lazy grin. </p><p>.</p><p>There were visitors from an other Hidden Village, and you stood on the streets and watched them arrive. They didn't look too different, aside from their uniforms. Iwa favored dusty reds and browns. Konoha donned dull blue and green. Perhaps the Iwa-nin were a little more tanned in comparison, but you weren't certain if it was a rule of thumb or a coincidence. </p><p>A welcome party appeared in front of the foreign delegation. To you it seemed as though they came out of nowhere, but you were fairly certain the visitors had been alerted by a courteous spike of chakra first. At first you found yourself looking for familiar faces but soon gave up: it wasn't as though you'd spent your previous life memorizing the Naruto series, and on top of that it had been many years since then anyway. </p><p>"They don't look very mean and evil," a girl a year above you mused, staring at the strange new quartet with a scrunched up face. War had raged for five years and the mood in the village had simmered just below xenophobic the entire time, something which had lingering effects. You didn't doubt the same could go for the other great nations, nor did you doubt that the other Academies had been any fairer in the portrayal of the enemy than here. </p><p>A faceless menace out for your head was easy to strike down. </p><p>A person your own age with family and reasons was more difficult. </p><p><em>That's how the world works, wars are always there and peace is just the break between them, nothing is meant to last, everything ends and that's</em>- </p><p>You did such a good job at shutting out his voice that you fancied it was like getting a door slammed in your face. </p><p>The two squads, one from a place of lush forests and the other of rocky mountains, walked down the main road at a civilian pace. Once they were (presumably) out of earshot, the adults started whispering above you.</p><p>"Think they'll manage to get that trade agreement?" </p><p>A shinobi with the stance of a squad leader answered his younger colleague, "no way, this is just a formality to show the Non-Aggression Pact still stands after that skirmish in Kusa. Which was- just an accident." </p><p>"Yeah," somebody else agreed after a moment, "don't worry, and besides, the Yellow Flash-" </p><p>"Hush," the squad leader hissed, face hardening. </p><p>But the words still hung in the air, as though trying to taint its freshness. Namikaze Minato had severely injured Iwa's strength in the final stages of the Third War, a scar which would take years to heal and still made the Hidden Village spin dangerously fast to keep up, though he was no longer there anymore. </p><p>Because the Kyuubi had-</p><p><em>The sharingan, those eyes,</em> a voice brimming with spite enough to poison a nation trembled in your head, <em><strong>those eyes-</strong></em> </p><p>The amount of emotions in those words, even though they didn't seep into your own, made you shudder violently. A spike of fear raced along your spine, followed by a burning kind of determination to- </p><p>
  <em>Kill them, kill them all!</em>
</p><p>-stay alive and become strong enough to rule your own life and not get swallowed up by the collision course this world was on. </p><p>Konoha and Kumo were the two villages (cities, really, but that word did not exist) which had emerged the strongest, the former leading by such a small margin that the moment they considered themselves stronger they'd be surpassed by the latter. Iwa, Suna and Kiri were all licking their wounds and doing their best to remain key players: Iwa and Suna were certifiably successful in this, though Kiri was supposedly cut off and hard to get a read on.</p><p>Gauging their strength would be impossible.</p><p>You knew from your book that they were either busy massacring Kekkei Genkai users, gearing up to do that, or already in the midst of a civil war. (It was probably too soon for the civil war.)</p><p>You spotted the slight Sakura down the street, peering curiously at the strangers from behind her mother's legs. Surveying the crowd, yet to disperse despite the harsh summer rays, you spotted Sagan as well, standing between a teenager you recognized to be his uncle and his mother. (There had been a father, years ago, up until there was no more of him.)</p><p>You had no mother whose skirts you would clutch and your father was dead as well.</p><p>Soon the Iwa and Konoha squads disappeared, and you started making your way to the Academy grounds to see if there would be any other children to play with.</p><p>.</p><p>You were a good Academy student. Not the textbook kind of good, the type to tentatively raise their hands and practice diligently in front of the targets and write neat little answers during tests. You were the type who grew strong and fast with little effort, only having a momentary problem building callouses, the type to remember texts easily with minimal studying (probably how you were still able to recall anything at all from your past life despite having spent your first few years as an oblivious toddler) and scrawling down sharp, lazy answers, the type to kick and punch and feel your own blood pump with fire and energy even as the blood of your opponent bloomed across your shirt. </p><p>The type who could soon focus your chakra in across your arm to make the grit stick to your skin in the shape of a shuriken. </p><p><em>The type who can't face the truth</em>-</p><p><em>Hush</em>, you murmured privately, an edge to your voice, <strong><em>hush</em></strong>. </p><p>He answered, entirely too smug: <em>But I didn't say anything</em>. </p><p><em>Liar</em>. </p><p>He laughed. </p><p>You focused your chakra in your forearm to shift the dust and grit on your arm to a kunai shape instead. Some of it crumbled away, but most of it stayed. A boy to your right shot you a look a truce between frustrated and amazed, while Sakura bowed her head and concentrated. Everybody had different chakra signatures, and apparently most people's was smoother, more flowing. Once you'd learned to sense your own, you suspected your own was more excited, more agitated than others, rasping along your pathways. </p><p>A piece of grit fell off your skin. </p><p>You frowned. Not good enough yet, not strong enough, not enough power to be a master of your own life. You wondered how much practice it'd take before you could make the dust stick in vine and flower patterns, because that aesthetic had allure.</p><p><em>You know nothing</em>, you finally thought back, mostly to show you totally <em>could</em> stand your ground (even if you still wouldn't turn inward enough to face him). </p><p><em>I know everything you know, hm</em>. </p><p>But he was pouting and you both knew it. </p><p>Distracted by your triumph, the teacher surveying class shot you a reprimanding look. "You can do better than that, Deidara-chan." </p><p>.</p><p>Perspective was a funny thing. It depended entirely on how much information was divulged and from who's point of view it was.</p><p>At four years old, staring at a reflection of a tanned, lemon-haired girl with pale blue eyes who was called Deidara, you not-quite-pieced together that you were very much reborn as the future Akatsuki member in the Moegara Clan of Iwagakure no Sato in the Land of Earth. The hand mouths were not a Kekkei Genkai since they didn't exist, your palms being rough but otherwise normal, though your jittery and scratchy chakra most certainly was a bloodline, always on edge and waiting. </p><p>Apparently it had been very long since explosive release was this prominent in somebody's chakra. </p><p>Perspective was a funny thing. </p><p>The information in your book had been given through Naruto's perspective, where Konoha was good and valued camaraderie and the Hokage mountain's stone faces stared benignly across the village. It was from the perspective of a boy who'd most likely always avoided killing unless it was an Akatsuki and never been sent on missions specifically meant to kill. What would that genius boy, Shikamaru, had told you if it had been from his perspective? What if it wasn't from the eyes of somebody loud and brash and naive? </p><p>What if you were from the village whose largest force had been decimated by Namikaze eight years ago and he was the monster, the Tobito, of this perspective? The one who'd caused as many deaths as the Kyuubi attack had in Konoha. </p><p>The vast majority of you was a child, eager to learn in the Academy and enjoying the playtime in Iwa's rocky landscape, surrounded by mountains and crooked pines and stubborn weeds. You loved playing tag and hide and seek and capture the flag (though you sometimes cheated on the last). You hated it when people were better than you and would redden if you got something wrong in front of the class. You were cheerful and more than a little selfish. </p><p>But there were other sides of you, sides which perspective had given you and prevented you from having quite as wide and starry eyes as your peers. </p><p>First of all, the phantom of past morals and values. Killing was wrong (yes but-), military dictatorships were wrong (sure but-) and so forth. You feared that the moment you stopped clutching onto this speck, it'd fade. There was already so little of it left. </p><p>Secondly, connected to the book and rebirth, a sense of nonchalance. Of uncaring. Nothing was meant to last (<em>of course it's not, everything ends and that's the beauty- <strong>hush</strong></em>), and all you wanted was to live a somewhat happy life in which you didn't have to fear that your overly powerful chakra would land you in an arranged marriage with the stupid clan heir. </p><p>Thirdly, and possibly an influence on the second point, was the voice in your head. <em>Your</em> head. Not his. <em>Yours yours yours</em>. You knew it was you in charge, because otherwise he'd have long since taken over in your sleep. He was reckless and impulsive. The original Deidara. He was the opposite of the the first point which you had to actively retain: the moment you stopped shutting him out you could feel his breath in you ear and his hands on your shoulders and his eagerness to explore and see and burn. </p><p>(You'd given listening to his weird rambles a shot, but he acted too much like a twisted version of the boys in your class, talking about scroll brands (the cars of this universe), cloud shapes he found pretty, cool kicks and who he wanted dead. You were fairly certain his mind had taken the brunt of the damage your overflow of memories had caused, rapidly increasing the speed of his descent into a very straightforward kind of insanity. There was no particularly tragic backstory to him: he was just the product of a world centered around how good a system of murder could get.)</p><p><em>Perspective was a funny thing</em>. </p><p>The name Sakura wasn't uncommon and its sole existence, even if it was owned by a chocolate-haired girl with dark eyes, had affected you and made you think of somebody else entirely. She didn't say much, quietly focused without ever being shy, though she was apprehensive of outsiders like so many others.</p><p>Cold Wars had consequences.</p><p>There were whispers. Whispers about a girl with sharp eyes and wide grins and scarred fists who molded chakra and felt it smattering inside her with anticipation and promise. Whispers about a girl who could throw kunai as well as the fifth years and was going to be skipping a grade and jump from second to fourth year. Whispers about a prodigy named Deidara. </p><p>You had many friends and none. You played with everybody and people wanted you on their teams and they were nice, sometimes you'd go home with them if they had a mother with them who would give you dried dates and let you play in the gardens. Iwa was shaped entirely out of rocks, the whole place interconnected by bridges linking the plateaus and together, thin mountain rivers snaking through below. Most people had a garden. Earth-style jutsu came in handy when it came to building and architecture.</p><p>Those from Clans had private compounds at the edge of the village, their entirety sprawling far and wide and far more spacious than the hard-working civilian's apartment would or how the Chuunin, who made up the vast majority of ninja, lived: small and square and a shoebox garden. </p><p>Sakura was nice but boring. Sagan was sweet but young. There was Daisuke, Yuutaka, Hanae, Kujin, Ayaka... There were a few you despised and usually you could make others stop playing with them for a day if you were feeling especially petty and they'd been especially annoying. You were always in the middle of it yet never completely there. </p><p>Well-</p><p>Up until the games get truly exciting and adrenaline heated you up, made chakra tingle and fizz like champagne, made you grin wider and wider and your pupils dilate until there was only a ring of pale blue around a pool of black, and suddenly nothing else would matter. </p><p><em>Because we can do more, hm</em>, he said, Deidara said even though <em>you</em> were Deidara, <em>because we're an artist and</em>-</p><p><em>I'm trying to finish a test</em>, you shot back, halfway deciphering a code in class.</p><p>You knew you'd get it right, even with a boy in your head trying to distract you.</p><p>You were a good student, after all.</p><p>Your mother had made sure of it. With your father having died fighting Suna-nin before you were old enough to remember him, your mother was taking many missions even though people had expected her to move back to her parents and let the Clan provide. Large or powerful Clans had leeway even in post-war turbulence. She was rarely home, but when she was she'd buy you dried dates and watch you practice and never let you hide behind her. </p><p>She'd push you away, push you forward with just a little too much insistence.  </p><p>Mari would frown if you stumbled. You hadn't liked it when your mother frowned, so you'd quickly learned to hit the ground running very literally. </p><p>You loved Iwa and its rocky hills covered by shrubs, flower weeds and twisting, knotty pines, but perspective meant you'd be one of the most nakedly curious and neutral (you <em>tried</em>) whenever people from other Hidden Villages would arrive. It was odd seeing Konoha-nin, far less familiar than you'd, well, not <em>expected</em>, but... It wasn't a common occurrence for there to be diplomatic delegations coming through, and the two rarest visitors were Kiri and Konoha for sure. There was too much blood soaking the table. </p><p>Even if Namikaze was dead. </p><p>Even if Kiri was far away. </p><p>Even if it had now been three years since the war had ended. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Did you initially think you were Naruto? ¬‿¬  You and Deidara will be Bonding eventually, that much I promise. The mouths on his hands were apparently not a Kekkei Genkai but a forbidden jutsu he performed on himself, though that jutsu would have to have been related to explosion release when it was invented.</p><p>Sagan is a canon character: he made a brief appearance as the one with Oonoki post-meteors. (His uncle) Ittan is the Iwa-nin on Kankurou's Commando Unit. Moegara means embers or cinders, because I'm very  c r e a t i v e.</p><p>Naruto was born a year after the war ended. Deidara is now 8, Naruto&amp;Co are 4, Itachi is 10 (wow, somehow I hadn't realized Deidara was the youngest Akatsuki...), Kakashi is 18. Other reference points: Darui is 15, Shisui is 13, Temari is 8 and Oonoki 66. </p><p>(And Sasori be like imma eternal over here.)<br/>(Sorry.)</p><p>(Also why did Orochimaru not go after Hidan, now that I think about it?)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Death of the Beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>SnK/AoT's music has now also been added to what I listen to while writing. Oops. It's the main mood setter for the second part of this chapter. </p><p>Also, I apologize in advance but since there are so few characters from Iwa that we know there are some (mostly passing) OCs in here.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Deidara's voice had always been there, but at first it had only been the shadow of a ghost in the back of your head. It wasn't as though you'd actively tried separating yourself back then, you'd simply not been as connected. At six, you'd entered the Academy and one of the first exercises preparing for usage of chakra was meditation, which eventually led to you all being able to sense and trace your own chakra network. </p><p>At first, for a moment, you'd been astounded and elated and amazed at the lively feel of it. </p><p>Then the voice in your head suddenly rung out loud and clear in your mind: sinking deeper into yourself had meant this other, original, new, old, inner Deidara could reach you. And once that happened you could never go back to your previous state of semi disconnect. Just like you were now aware of your chakra you were aware of a presence in your mind, the presence of an eight year old boy who liked fast jutsu and winning games and fantasizing about killing those who annoyed you. </p><p>Like that one teacher who had it out for Clan kids. At first you'd been sympathetic, because it truly was an unfair advantage Clan kids had: they received additional training from home, had the right connections and so forth. Civilian born children struggled much more to graduate, let alone distinguish themselves after that. </p><p>Then he docked points off for a time you weren't giving kunai throwing training your all. You'd already reached the Academy standards various uses of kunai (having cousins and second cousins and gazillion times removed cousins at home guiding the younger generations when they felt the need to forget a mission had its perks), and it wasn't as though you'd been slacking off. </p><p>Indignation had scorched your from the inside out and you were this close to waving your fists around and arguing, but managed to swallow your temper. This wasn't even a big deal. </p><p><em>Use him for target practice,</em> Deidara suggested<em>, then we'll see how good our kunai throwing is</em>.</p><p>You shook your head both mentally and externally, twirling the knife in your hand ad biting back a smile.</p><p><em>You thought I was sweet</em>, he cooed and you could feel his lips curl into a smirk. </p><p><em>Did not, </em>you shot back<em>, using sensei for target practice will loose me even more points</em>. </p><p>.</p><p>"Try running," Mari called out, arms crossed but still looking somewhat proud (and a little sad), and you sped up, jogging horizontally on the wall of your house with chakra-sticky feet, faster and faster until you were actually sprinting. You laughed and waved at her. After a moment, she waved back, eyes tender. "That's good!" </p><p>Pride surged through you, and for a moment you wobbled before reapplying a steady stream of chakra to the soles of your feet. </p><p>"It's getting dark," your mother shouted once you neared your window, "hop on inside before you trip!" </p><p>You could still clearly distinguish your gaping window frame and, after a moment of wondering how to get inside, simply jumped and landed in a crouch on your wooden floor. It was a rectangular room with a bed, a wardrobe, a nightstand, a desk and a shelf containing mostly books as well as a photo of you, mother, grandmother and grandfather. There was a canvas depicting a mystical forest hanging above your bed and various half-molten candles scattered about the room wherever there was place for them and they wouldn't endanger the house.</p><p>A few moments later, Mari materialized next to you. She must've jumped from the garden. Chakra really was an awesome thing, like a second life force and amplifier. </p><p>"I'm buying a new painting with the money you gave me," you told her, watching the tall blonde survey your room. Usually she came home for dinner every few days and while most money was either saved or went to her parents (at whose you'd spend some evenings, though they usually just left you food), you still got some after long missions. "I saw this really great and pretty one of a lake a few days ago! Oh, and maybe one of those grass and flower fields- meadows." </p><p>She smiled absently, pads of her fingers brushing against the backs of your books. "Curious about the world, are we." </p><p>"Yes," you beamed before you could stop yourself, "I love climbing the mountains and jumping over the streams with my classmates to see who falls in first, and its freezing when we do, but I want to see everything! Is it true that Kumo is literally in the clouds?"</p><p>Mari's laugh was odd. "There are many clouds in Kumo, they're on the top of a mountain range. It's better to be hidden between mountains like we are, though-" </p><p>"And the sea?" Vague memories stirred, too blurred to be of much use: just blue and blue and blue. "Does it really never end? And does it glitter like a gazillion rivers? I heard it does, yeah!" </p><p>"The sea, I have seen," she divulged after a moment, watching you with maternal affection and something almost shy, almost like the look of a stranger. "It's salty water for as long as I can see, but it does end. The Land of Water and Kiri is beyond." </p><p>You jumped onto your bed, legs swinging from the side. "Have you seen Kirigakure?" </p><p>Mari shook her head and, after a moment of hesitation, sunk down next to you. She should do this more often. "The only other villages I've visited are Kumo and Taki. Taki for diplomatic reasons as an escort, Kumo during the war. I think you'd like Taki, filled with meadows and thick forests. The rivers there are warm and flow much slower than here, so you can bathe and play around-“</p><p>"And Kumo?" </p><p>Her eyes, slate blue like your own but with bags beneath them, seemed to look through you and lock onto something else. Then she blinked and smiled warmly, starting to comb her fingers through your hair. "It's cloudy there. And my my, your fringe has grown long! Doesn't it get in the way of your eyes sometimes?" </p><p>She kept on threading her fingers through the golden strands. It was very calming. You smiled softly. Mari was the only one you allowed to cut your hair, currently tangling above your shoulders and tickling the bridge of your nose: it'd been a while since the last time you’d had a trim. "It's okay, I wanna grow it out so that I can put it up." </p><p>She ruffled your hair and you yelped, hands flying up. </p><p>"Kaa-chan!" </p><p>"Growing up so fast," she murmured and tinkled a laugh, turning her head to take in your room. "There's a lot of candles." </p><p>"Yes," you nodded quickly, sliding off your bed and eager to show her what you did during the evenings before going to bed. "While I read or draw I light them all and it's really pretty." </p><p>You reached out to the box of matches to show her, but her fingers closed around your wrist. She had a scolding look on her face. "You shouldn't play around with fire-" </p><p>"I'm not," you promised, "and you get to do that-"</p><p>"I'm an adult," Mari pointed out, and anger, sudden and hot, fizzled to life inside you. </p><p>"I'm not small anymore, if you'd be here more often you'd know, yeah!" </p><p>She let go of your wrist as though you'd burned her, face doing an odd thing you had trouble figuring out. Her tone was sharp enough to cut steel when she gritted out, "do not speak to me like that." </p><p>But you grinned wide and white and with corns of glass in the curling edges and felt searing flames lick inside because you'd just wanted to see her smile and make her proud and now she was doing <em>this</em>. </p><p>"You can't even talk about Kumo."</p><p>She never hit you, but the way she looked at you hurt just as bad. Regret flooded you.</p><p><em>Stay angry,</em> Deidara snarled,<em> she keeps on running off and we deserve better and</em>-</p><p><em>She's traumatized, </em>you thought back furiously, watching with wide eyes as Mari stood up and pocketed your match box<em>. She just wants to make her kid happy but doesn't even know how to make herself feel better anymore.</em></p><p>
  <em>Then she shouldn't have had a kid, then she shouldn't have-</em>
</p><p><em>Deidara. Shut up</em>.</p><p>You blinked. Mari had left. </p><p><em>Deidara</em>, he answered, <em>stop trying</em>. </p><p>Mari had disappeared off on another mission before the sun rose. </p><p>
  <em>.</em>
</p><p><em>Channel my chakra into it, </em>you repeated your grandmother's words in your head, staring at the mud ball in your hand,<em> feel it flow into it</em>. </p><p>The scratchy, excited energy slowly seeped into the earth, leaving the palm of your hand.</p><p>"Good," Akira praised from the porch, gnarled old fingers handling the needle without a problem as she fixed one of your many dark teal shirts even though her eyes remained on you, "keep focusing on the feeling of your own chakra outside your body, concentrate on how it feels even when you stop channeling it. Don't lose your connection." </p><p>You breathed in slowly, steadily, then stopped pushing more chakra into the mud ball. You could no longer feel it as clearly now, but after today's many failed attempts you could finally still sense its presence, as though a subconscious part of you were still linked to it. </p><p>You were by no means a natural sensory type, but this was something you had to learn to do in order to master your Kekkei Genkai. </p><p><em>Keep your attention of the ball of chakra</em>. </p><p>Lips parted.</p><p><em>And then tug everything inwards to one place</em>. </p><p>A sharp exhale. </p><p>The chakra in the mud ball connected violently in the center with friction and dissonance and then the energy exploded. It erupted into a million pieces with a puff of heat.</p><p>
  <em>.</em>
</p><p>The sun stood high and bright on the day of your graduation, making your golden hair shine like a halo you knew would never be there. The standard Academy curriculum was four years: in Iwa and Kumo it was from the ages six to ten, in Suna (and presumably Kiri) it was seven to eleven and in Konoha from eight to twelve. If one was physically fit enough to begin earlier it was possible, but that was rare. </p><p>That must've been how Naruto could've failed his first few attempts at the graduating exam yet still been the same age as the others. </p><p>It was warm like it usually was, and the cold mountain stream snaking around the grounds gurgled and glittered. Iwa was filled with those. Clear streams and deep rivers crisscrossing throughout the village like arteries and capillaries, usually through cliffs and ridges, a liquid spiderweb flowing from the mountain tops. </p><p>It was spring, the flowers were blooming and the mountains shielding Iwa were dotted with light green which would darken come summer. Spring signified a new beginning, and it was on the first spring day you were handed your headband by the famed Stone Fist Kitsuchi. Oonoki, a tiny old man with hard eyes and a thousand different smiles (usually jagged), was watching from the Tsuchikage Tower. </p><p>You were nine years old, having skipped a year. </p><p>"I'm absolutely certain you will do us proud," Kitsuchi spoke in his booming voice, "be unwavering like the earth around us and both you and Iwagakure will stand strong." </p><p>The fresh Genin around you all stood straighter, and you caught yourself doing the same. The idea of being like a boulder seemed kind of cool. </p><p>Kitsuchi left, and so did Oonoki and his bodyguard, the two of them floating away. So much for being like the earth around them, but you supposed Oonoki's stubbornness made up for it.</p><p>An Academy teacher stepped into the Stone Fist's place and addressed the crowd of Genin. "Now, I will assign you to three-man squads under a Jounin instructor. First team..." </p><p>You doubted there'd be a surprise second test to follow up. The finals exams had been tough enough to already weed out about half of the class, first involving a written test focusing mostly on history, geography and the outlines of today's political climate (who was not hating who, who was indeed hating who and who was trying to make others hate others), then a display of chakra control where one had to preform a substitution jutsu and a transformation jutsu, followed by a target test of hitting dummies with kunai and shuriken, and finally a taijutsu tournament. </p><p>Teamwork was important, but strength even more so. There was no use in helping others if you were dead before you could extend a hand. </p><p><em>We'll be strong</em>, Deidara was murmuring, sounding lost in thought (would that mean he was a mind within a mind with thoughts within thoughts?), <em>we'll be strong and free and</em>- </p><p>The rest he didn't really put words onto, but involved some fire and a palette of colors and an almost euphoric sense of accomplishment. </p><p>You were about to tell him to stay out of you head, but didn't. Instead you smiled up at the sky. <em>Something like that</em>. </p><p>"...and Moegara Deidara." </p><p>You glanced around you to pinpoint your two new teammates.</p><p>Takara you'd played ninja with on various occasions though never really spoken to. He was often smiling and you weren't sure exactly what he was good or bad at, though he had a very mean kick. Probably because he was very big. Mako was slight and didn't stay at the Academy after hours to play very often, so you knew him even less. He seemed to want to work with codes in some office in the future, so he couldn't be brainless.</p><p><em>Okay, </em>you thought<em>, goodbye glorious squad goals</em>.</p><p>.</p><p>You ended up on a team which would crumble before you could even get to know them.</p><p>After eight days of D-ranks, mostly consisting off delivering messages and helping with the cleanup of a caved-in mine an hour away from the village, your team had been sent out to help with patrol. It was a safe mission mostly there to leave fresh chakra traces along the borders as a deterrent for something which wouldn't happen anyway. </p><p>You'd never been this far from home before and relished in it, barely daring to blink as you absorbed your surroundings. You were on the edge of the Land of Earth: rocky, forested hills and the gray outline of mountains to your left and more rolling hills to your right. The pines here weren't crooked but tall and there were a handful of birch and oak trees scattered around. On the other side of the border, lush grass danced in the wind between the handful of trees and dew glistening in the watery sun. There was so much too take in: the heavy dark clouds chasing away whatever azure was left on the skies, the vibrant color of the grass, the shivering leaves- </p><p>"I don't <em>beleaf</em> it," Takara giggled, covering his lower face to stop the laughter, "Dei-chan-" </p><p>"Shut up," you grumbled with a playful nudge which had him stumbling, "and don't call me that, it's not funny." </p><p>"You're mean," he said, "and I really mean that." </p><p>You snickered.</p><p>From the front, your sensei Miya turned around to give the two of you a terrifying look. She was tall with wide shoulders and a scar splitting one eyebrow. You weren't sure if she wanted to be saddled with Genin in the first place. "Stop dragging you feet!" </p><p>You sped up a little, Takara trailing behind you and trying to hide his admiration for the vast plains of grass which just kept on moving and twisting and glittering like a sheet of wet, pale green silk. With the steadily growing dark clouds as backdrop and sunshine it made a dramatic picture. </p><p><em>Very aesthetic</em>, you thought. </p><p><em>Yes</em>, Deidara agreed, <em>like from a piece of art. Something about the way the light falls..</em>. </p><p>"We won't run into other ninja, right?" Mako asked Miya. She shook her head. </p><p>"Ame is in a civil war. Patrolling this border is practically a formality and a training exercise for you youngsters." </p><p>Mako nodded with an ill-stifled sigh of relief. You breathed in the scent of moist earth and plants with closed eyes. Everything smelled of spring and life. It was odd to think that only a few hours away a brutal revolution was taking place, or perhaps already had. </p><p>Your eyes opened to appreciate the color scheme again. </p><p>It was still beautiful, but the novelty was starting to wear off. Back to practicing it was. </p><p>You picked up a pebble from the ground and kept on walking. <em>Channel your chakra, fill it up, focus on your connection with it even after you stop pouring in more</em>. </p><p>A slow exhale. Seconds passed. It remained whole in your hand and you put it back down.</p><p>Takara looked bemused. "Something wrong? Up until now you've made those rocks blow up every single time." </p><p>You shook your head, concentrating on the feel of your chakra in the stone one, now two, steps behind you. Your hands went up to form hand signs: snake (good for earth style), then dog (good for lightning style) and finally ram (the one you found came easiest). Lips parted, <em>tug the chakra into one place and make it clash and erupt</em>, and a sharp inhale. </p><p>The stone cracked, but didn't explode. </p><p>Disappointment curdled your blood and you tried not to scowl too much. "Trying to do it at a distance now, it's more difficult." </p><p>You picked up a second pebble from the pathway and focused, jaw grinding. Takara soon lost interest and started staring across into the Land of Rain. In the distance, some of the dark clouds were indeed pouring down as though crying over what they saw. </p><p>After three more pebbles, of which the last one you went back to stomp on for extra measure, Takara stiffened. </p><p>"What's that?" </p><p>You, Takara and Mako turned to stare at a dark form crumpled in the shadow of a lively young birch. Without turning her head, Miya said: "A corpse. And not a fresh one."</p><p>"What?" Mako grimaced, "why has nobody retrieved it?" </p><p>Takara scrunched his nose up as though he could smell it from here even though the wind blew in the opposite direction. "I don't see signs of battle- like, no jutsu land scars or shuriken on trees." </p><p>"If they used shuriken or kunai they'd have collected those, or they'd be hidden by the grass," you pointed out, craning your neck. Miya had paused as well and you turned to her with knitted brows. "Miya-sensei, why would they just leave a dead body so close to our border?" </p><p>"He's an Ame-nin," Mako added, squinting at the dark blur in the dancing grass. "So it's not a warning." </p><p>"Warning," Takara murmured, shivering when the sun was hidden behind a dark cloud but attempting to smile nonetheless, "war-nin-" </p><p>"No puns," you said. </p><p>"This is none of our business," Miya instructed you all with a frown able to make flowers wilt, "now let's go." </p><p>Takara and Mako started walking with her down the path. You took another moment to consider the body, alone and far away from the village. Had the civil war already ended? What would happen if you nudged the world into realizing Pain had defeated that previous leader, Hanzou, and that there was no more civil war? </p><p>You tried to make out if the corpse's headband was scratched or not, but couldn't even find the forehead protector. Now that the sun was gone it couldn't reflect the light anymore. So you sucked in a deep breath, ignored the fact that Deidara was statically quiet yet <em>so very present</em>, and strayed from the path. </p><p>The grass was soft and wet around your knees, quickly staining your brown pants. You spotted a few white flowers here and there as you made your way forth. Everything looked soft and bright against iron gray backdrop. You still marveled at the color contrasts. </p><p>Within five steps in you knew you had to be on the border or close to it. Five steps later you knew you must have crossed it already. </p><p>Miya's voice pierced the air: "What do you think you're doing?" </p><p>"Checking if it's a rebel or a loyalist, yeah," you answered without turning back to face your team. Your eyes remained fixed on the heap of body at the foot of the young birch. The ninja wore dark blue and gray, face discolored and gender impossible to tell since death had caused the body to bloat grotesquely, eyes bulging out of their sockets and tongue hanging out of the mouth. The stench was cloying and sweet. </p><p>"Come back right this instant!" </p><p><em>It's an ordinary forehead protector</em>, Deidara murmured when your gaze fell upon the metal. <em>A loyalist, hm</em>.</p><p>The body had fallen in such a way they must've been running away, must've been running to flee the country. Even if it meant heading into enemy territory. </p><p>"Deidara! Come back right now!" </p><p>You'd never heard such sharpness in Miya's voice. Holding your breath, you nudged the Ame-nin's side with your foot so that they fell onto their back: there was a rotting wound crawling with maggots ripping through the stomach. The jostle caused the intestines to shiver like jelly, which made your vision blur and stomach twist before you could refocus. </p><p>The sky was growing darker above you, a damp cold breeze seeping right through your clothes.</p><p>For somebody so messed up, that headband had remained very clean. </p><p>"Let's go, Dei-chan...."</p><p>There were steps behind you and a few moments later, Takara appeared by your side. One look at the corpse and he retched once, twice, thrice, but nothing would come up. His eyes were screwed shut. You'd never seen the large boy like that before.</p><p>You nodded and turned away, wading back through the lush grass with the image of a decomposing corpse burned into your retinas. Miya's glare would've been more terrifying if it weren't for that. </p><p>"I think Hanzou lost the civil war," you blunted, and you'd been about to give an explanation as to why, but suddenly your cheek burned and your head had snapped to the side. It took you a moment to register that Miya had struck you. </p><p>Deidara's silence was fire in your head and your now scorching blood melted with a kind of indignation which made you want to just reach and scream<em> let's see you try that with my chakra in your system, yeah</em>- </p><p>Then the rain started to fall and you bowed your head. </p><p>"Sorry," you managed and tried to mean it. Miya's eyes were filled with disappointment and something else, a discomfort perhaps. No, this reminded you of when you'd mentioned Kumo to Mari.</p><p>Takara dry heaved one last time when he finally regrouped with you. </p><p>"We'll talk about that stunt later," she decided in the end, "when it rains in that country it never ends well." </p><p>She turned on you heel and you wisely decided to follow her this time. Mako looked rather tense. Takara had lost all color. The light drizzle turned to thick droplets soaking through your dark green shirt and chilling your toes. You started circulating your chakra a little more to regulate your body temperature. </p><p>Guilt squirmed inside, a feeling you despised. It wasn't something you could run from or bury, no matter how much you tried to shove it away. </p><p>Soon your ponytail hung in your neck like a cold rope. For the coming three hours you continued your <em>formalities patrol</em> the downpour didn't stop, filling your ears with the rushing pitter-patter all around you. There were a little more trees surrounding you now, not enough to be a forest but close, the rain blurring out most of the world.</p><p>There were no more color contrasts, outlines merging in into a muted haze.</p><p>"You feeling better," you asked Takara, hoping he'd stop looking like a drowned sheep who'd been forced to eat thorns. </p><p>He quickly nodded, managing some kind of stretch of the lips you suspected was meant to be a grin. In your not so humble opinion, you were much more adept at faking grins. Usually because you didn't have to fake them. </p><p>"Well," he shrugged, wiping away his dripping fringe from his forehead, "you could say it put a <em>damper</em> on my day." </p><p>You rolled your eyes with a curl of the lips, trying to fight and force a laugh.</p><p>"Just this once you can say whatever you want."</p><p>He grinned for real this time, lips parting to speak. But instead of words he coughed blood into your face. Your smile froze, brain trying to register what had happened. There was a blade sticking out of his mouth, <em>somebody had shoved a kunai through the back of his neck into his mouth</em>.</p><p>Suddenly, Takara was dead. </p><p>Just like that.</p><p>He fell to the ground without much ceremony, Miya materialized and hurled your away from a volley of shuriken you hadn't seen in the rain and grabbed four of them out of the air which she then threw right back at whoever was hidden there. You had no idea how she'd been able to hit them, but for a split-second you could discern the shadow of somebody falling gracelessly from a branch.</p><p>"Grab Mako and run," Miya yelled, and for a moment you were stuck staring at her broad back. The rain had made the red and brown of her uniform darken, but the Ame-nin were still much more camouflaged. Then you whirled around and jumped into the trees to run as far into Iwa territory as you possibly could, Mako hot on your heels with tears brimming in his eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Why are there Ame-nin here?</em>
</p><p>You'd never leapt from branch to branch on treetops this fast before, and never with so little vision with so few places to use as footholds for jumping. The trees were still placed too far apart. Every few times there would be a fraction of a second during when you'd fear you'd either jumped too far or wouldn't make it to the next branch, and the bursts of panic when you thought you'd slip...</p><p>Your heartbeat was a war drum and you could feel your pulse in your finger tips, in your ears, even in your very teeth.</p><p>The metallic clashes of Miya fighting off the enemy were quickly muffled by the rain. </p><p>You had to go faster, you had to get further away from Rain and those Ame-nin. </p><p>You wondered if somebody was following you but didn't dare turn your head: it was hard enough to discern the next branch sturdy enough to hold to take off from. They were starting to be more frequent now that you were nearing the forested hills. Or perhaps you weren't as close to Ame's obscuring rain anymore. You hoped it was both. </p><p>Faster, further, faster, further, faster, further.</p><p>You forced your head to start working again. How many attackers? One had killed Takara. A second one had hurled the shuriken from an other direction, though you couldn't know for sure if they had been killed or were only injured. Squads usually operated with three or four people, so the fact that they hadn't come from all directions meant it couldn't be more than that. On top of that, Amegakure didn't have enough numbers to afford double-teams. </p><p>"Mako," you called out to the lithe boy half a step behind you, "you come from a family of sensory types, can you check if we're being followed?" </p><p>With shaking hands he formed the tiger sign, favored by most ninja when they went into sensory mode. When you noticed he now solely followed your steps you took extra care to take the easiest leaps which were easy to follow. </p><p>"I-is Takara-san," he began, but then sniffed violently and didn't finish. You remembered the blood splattered across your lower face and wiped it away on your sleeve: it was so soaked you couldn't even make out the section darkened by blood. Or maybe the rain had already washed most of it away from your face. "One person is following us." </p><p>One person.</p><p>You swallowed.</p><p>"I-is-" no way were <em>you</em> going to <em>stutter</em>, "is it Miya-sensei?" </p><p>"I don't know," he cried, not bothering to stop imitating your steps, "I don't know, I can't tell chakra signatures apart yet, I... I don't know." </p><p>You were about to reach for your kunai holster but reconsidered. You weren't as good with shuriken, which made them expendable in a way kunai weren't. Your heart wouldn't stop thudding in your ears. Your legs were starting to tire, each leap between the branches becoming more straining. </p><p>You fished five shuriken from your pouch. Had you known you'd be fighting you'd have come more prepared: you'd been lazy in your packing, only bringing so much nobody would nag you about it. </p><p>"And are they still fighting?" </p><p>He didn't answer at first. Then he admitted: "I don't know, I can't sense clearly that far. There are people there, but I'm not sure if they're engaged or pursuing us." </p><p>"Okay," you nodded, trying to swallow down the tickling alarm building in your throat. The trees were definitely growing denser. "How far away is the one following us?" </p><p>"Ahh... two minutes- no, not if they're smothering their chakra," Mako said with the kind of lightness of somebody who just realized something, gray eyes going blank, "if so they could be very close. Really close."</p><p>You took off as hard as you could from the next branch in order to have enough time to survey the trees behind you. The rain didn't fall as thickly anymore, but it was still difficult to see very far: everything eventually blurred together into muted shades of brown and green with a gray veil over it. </p><p>Something moved. Why was this ninja chasing you so far into your own territory?</p><p>You shifted your attention back to the branches to take a second long jump despite your protesting muscles before looking back again. Mako had stopped his sensory mode and was staring ahead with the intensity of somebody who didn't want to acknowledge that there was any other outcome than getting away. </p><p>That kind of thinking would get him killed. </p><p>
  <em>So are you really going to criticize somebody who can't face-</em>
</p><p><em>Not now</em>.</p><p>The alternate outcome of death was much likelier, and you were going to do something about it.</p><p>You squinted. That was most definitely a ninja chasing you, perhaps only ten trees behind you. Mako may not have mastered sensing yet, but being able to find somebody smothering their chakra signature wasn't shabby. </p><p>You turned your gaze back to the front again. </p><p>He'd catch up soon enough. How fast had he been going, how much longer before you and Mako ran out of energy... </p><p>You held the five shuriken in your hands and prayed to you didn't even know who while you started infusing them with your chakra. <em>More, focus on how they feel, more chakra, focus on how the chakra in the four shuriken feel, <strong>focus</strong></em>. </p><p>You threw a glance over your shoulder: he'd soon be close enough. You had to throw these at him in that small time frame when his speed toward you meant your shuriken would reach him but your retreating forms would still be too far away for him to attack you. He'd still be too far away for them to be sure to hit, and if they were on course he'd manage to dodge, you were sure. But that was okay. </p><p>You didn't need them to be spot-on. </p><p>A slow exhale, a last push of chakra into the shuriken. Then you stopped infusing it and concentrated with all your might on the feel of the five pieces of chakra outside your body. Weapons weren't that good at holding chakra, but they only needed to do so for a few moments. </p><p>You swung your arms and threw them with all your strength, felt your chakra grow further away, then raised your hands. Snake for earth. None were on target: perhaps one would graze him at most. Dog for lightning. He made no effort to dodge. </p><p>Ram for the feeling. </p><p>You tugged the chakra inward as suddenly as you possibly could. </p><p>Two were total duds and sped harmlessly past. Two splintered due to the energy but hadn't been successful explosions: at least the shards caught him off guard and scratched him. One, the one furthest away, went <em>kaboom</em>. You could actually hear it, could feel the sound wave pulse through you right after the flash of light. Euphoria bubbled inside, you'd actually made one explode. </p><p>You looked behind you and relief made you laugh.</p><p>He stumbled, and then he was gone.</p><p>"D-did you get him?" </p><p>You surveyed the area. "Yeah, I think he fell-" </p><p>A shadow.</p><p>The ninja appeared above you and his knee hit your back with so much force that you were smacked right down to the ground. The fall was long but over within two seconds, during which your only thought was:</p><p><em>He must've been going easy on us before</em>. </p><p>Then you reached the muddy, moss-covered ground with a jarring impact. The world spun.</p><p><em>Hey! </em>Deidara was screaming in your head, shrill,<em> get up get up get up you're not breathing</em>- </p><p>You couldn't breathe.</p><p>No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get yourself to breathe.</p><p>Your diaphragm would take a few minutes before it could start functioning normally again and it made panic frazzle your nervous system, jitters and tingles spreading all over you like a million spiders hatching beneath your skin all at once. You had to move. You had to do something. </p><p>The man landed in front of you, the side of his face reddened and blistered from your blast and parts of his clothes had been torn by your shuriken stunt, but he was not seriously injured. His headband was crossed out and he was holding a blade. It was slick with blood. </p><p>Who's-</p><p>Where was Mako? </p><p>Slowly, as your senses started sharpening and you regained awareness of your extremities, you made out a body sprawled at the tree only a little further away. It was small and thin with a mop of brown waves and a shallow rise and fall of the chest. Mako was still breathing. That made one of you at least.</p><p>A dull throb made itself know in your side.</p><p>You managed to drag your gaze up at the man. He wasn't smiling, his heavy brow lined with furrows. </p><p>"Sorry," he murmured, "I'd hoped to kill you both painlessly, but you caught me off guard." </p><p>Your skin crawled. Takara had died painlessly. You'd seen it happen. One moment he'd been about to crack a joke and the next you'd seen a blade protrude from you mouth like a steel tongue. </p><p>He walked toward you.</p><p>You felt lightheaded, air hitting your throat when you tried to inhale but refusing to enter your lungs. You'd gotten the wind knocked out of you before, but it had never been this bad. Pain was slowly starting to sink its claws into you. The only thing which could still ice over it was the terror. </p><p>You'd never felt terror before. </p><p>It slithered up your throat and burned through your blood and made all the hatching spiders multiply until everything was a skittering mess. You couldn't breathe and Mako was unconscious and he was coming closer and- </p><p>You didn't want to die. </p><p>You really, really didn't want to die and you didn't care about anything else. You didn't want to die and you didn't ever want to be in a situation like this again, and all that panic inside suddenly sharpened your world because you would do anything to stay alive. </p><p>Lungs still empty, you rolled to the side at the last second, the edge of his blade sinking into the earth where your throat had been a moment before, left side erupting into flames at the movement: you must've broken a rib or two after your fall.</p><p>Your hand snapped out to grip his calf like a striking snake. </p><p>Most people from you Clan used their Kekkei Genkai to infuse objects -usually clay- with their chakra and throw them like grenades. There were exceptions, such as the late Gari who was so fast at making his chakra explode that he could use it as taijutsu. </p><p>You were not as fast as him, but the moment you grabbed the man you still pushed as much chakra into his calf as you possibly could for a second, feeling as though your chakra pathways your your hand would burst at the sudden flooding, and then pulled at it. You didn't need hand signs if you were still attached to it. </p><p>He'd been about to behead you for a second time, and just as the tip of his blade nicked the skin of your throat his leg exploded. Your face flushed from the heat, but the shower of blood coating your skin hid that. </p><p>The man's scream echoed in your ears and he fell, blood and bones and flesh everywhere around you. He twisted on the ground.</p><p>You were still afraid, still determined, and with the first trickles of oxygen slipping back into your lungs you rested your hand on his forehead: your left hand, this time, since the chakra pathways in your right hand seared like you’d just washed them in acid. He thrashed and his elbow struck your ribs, thankfully on the unharmed side, and your fingers tightened as you pressed your lips together.</p><p>His eyes widened.</p><p>You invading chakra collided inwards.</p><p>His head exploded like a rotten watermelon. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There have been various translations of Deidara’s verbal tic, so while OG him is going with “hm” you’re slowly adopting “yeah”.<br/>Headcanon: the names of the people from the Moegara Clan end with -ri and -ra. </p><p>Don't go into the Land of Rain. Ame doesn't want you snooping.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Face It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry if parts of this are clumsily paced, I don't want to spend too much time on her Genin days since they don't contain much other than training anyway. I'll keep the important bits, but I don't want to bore you with people who won't reappear much anyway. On the other hand, I hate rushing things and I don't want to leaf through very formative years too much. So, once again there are a few OCs, sorry...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The way back to Iwa was a ten hour long blur. Takara's body had been sealed away into a scroll tucked into Miya's now almost empty weapons pouch. She'd also healed Mako's injury enough to get him back safely: it had been the trauma of getting his thigh cut open to the bone which had knocked him out. </p><p><em>If you hadn't crossed the border, Takara wouldn't be dead. If you hadn't crossed the border, Mako wouldn't be in a hospital right now. If you hadn't crossed the border, Ame-nin wouldn't have pursued you. If</em>- </p><p><em>Will you stop whining? </em>Deidara wondered and you knew his upper lip was curling. <em>You wanted to make the world realize that things went wrong in Ame to alert them to Pain's presence and thereby make it possible for the nations to get onto the Akatsuki</em>. </p><p>You heaved a sigh as you walked down the hospital's sterile corridors. <em>That sounds so far fetched now</em>. </p><p><em>What sounds far fetched is you facing me</em>. </p><p>You shook your head. One of the first things Miya had made you do was jump into the first river you came across, no matter how cold it was: by then the blood which'd drenched you had become crusty and stiff. Smiling had been a flash of white in a dark red oval. Now most of it was gone, but sections of your hair still felt coarse and knotty. </p><p>You hadn't gotten the chance to change or go home yet. In twenty minutes time you were expected to report to the Tsuchikage. You swore you still had slivers of brain on your shirt even though you knew it was clean. A brief medical checkup had resulted with you being told you had a cracked rib which had now been healed together with the scratch along your throat, though there was also a mild strain on your chakra pathways in your right palm and you should refrain from channeling chakra there today. </p><p>You'd wondered if it would always get like this when you channeled this much chakra. </p><p>You'd been told that chakra and the system was like muscles: if you kept on pushing them without outright damaging them, they'd only grow stronger.</p><p>Room 302: Fujida Mako</p><p>You entered. He was sitting upright in bed, picking at a piece of chicken on his plate as though trying to find an excuse not to eat it. The window was open and a mild, dry breeze wafted into the room. The sky had darkened into a velvety blue with a streak of orange where the sun had just set. </p><p>"Hey, Mako," you murmured, sinking down into the chair next to him. "How's the leg?" </p><p>"It'll scar," he said, clearing his throat and quick to place his sticks down. "I'm, uh, I'm quitting. The team." </p><p>Both of your eyebrows shot into your hairline. "What?" </p><p>He wouldn't meet your eyes, but his face warred between obvious relief and misery. "I always wanted to be a p-paper ninja, it's safe enough, but if you get an office job as a Chuunin it pays better. Guess I thought I'd be a field nin until then. Hah." </p><p>He laughed hollowly. You fought a very inappropriate snort. There was no way Miya would keep you as her sole student.</p><p>"So..." you started, "you're going into administration." </p><p>"That's the plan," he agreed, shoulders slumping as though he'd been tense about your reaction. "I'd have like to enter the Cipher Division, but, eh, Genin can't do that. I'll work my way up to delegating D-ranks and C-ranks to teams under Tsuchikage-sama's supervision. B, A and S-ranked ones are... uh. Can't do those." </p><p>You wondered if it'd be terrible of you to eat his dinner. You had yet to eat anything. </p><p>"Well, you can't do a worse job than whoever gave us this mission, yeah," you told him with crinkling eyes. That chicken smelled so damn good. </p><p>Mako produced an odd sound. "T-true."</p><p>He looked a little ashamed after that, then turned to you. "Deidara-san, did... did Takara-san suffer?" </p><p>"No," you said, turning away to study your hands, "he didn't." </p><p>Your nails were topped by rusty brown crescents. Akira wouldn't want you to go to Oonoki like that. </p><p>"Miya-sensei went to tell his parents, by the way," you continued, and the words felt heavy in your throat, reluctant to move and bruising you inside. You didn't like that. "They're both Chuunin. He has an older sister." </p><p>Mako nodded, face contorting. "Mmm, mhm." </p><p>There was a lump in your throat and you wanted it gone. You hadn't even known Takara that well but it was your fault that he coughed blood instead of jokes. </p><p>"She works at mission filing, so you might run into her. Well, gotta go, so..." </p><p>"Oh."</p><p>You stood back up even though you could very well have stayed for another few minutes. You managed a rueful smile before you'd snuck out of his room again. You were planning to get some cheap noodles. The greasy kind. </p><p>And wash your hands again. </p><p>.</p><p>Miya was waiting outside of the Tsuchikage's office. The lighting in the hallways was merry and bright. The older woman looked tired and worn, still wearing the standard Iwa uniform and the lines of her face deeper than ever. </p><p>She nodded stiffly when she spotted you although she must've sensed you from far away. You wanted to flash her one of your usual grins, but decided against it. Instead you prepared to ask about Takara's parents. </p><p>She beat you to it. </p><p>"The funeral is tomorrow, you're expected to be there. His parents took it as well as you could imagine." </p><p>It was your turn to nod. She seemed very familiar with this. </p><p>"Mako is quitting the team," you blurted out, then wished you could pluck the words back and rephrase. "He wants to join admin and work with papers, yeah." </p><p>Miya's sigh was a shuddering one, and for a moment all the harshness and stoniness melted away to reveal something jaded and lost. "Well, I suppose it's what I get for being your sensei. I was never cut out for shit like this."</p><p>There was rime frost inside you. </p><p>"I always get kids killed." </p><p>You had to double take at the words, but before you could formulate any kind of answer you were called into the office and her face had hardened again. Moment of bonding: over.</p><p>The Jounin opened the door and strode right inside. After a moment, you waddled after. </p><p>Your nails still throbbed from excessive picking. </p><p>It was a square room, airy and with the wall opposite you composed mostly of windows looking out over Iwagakure, bathed in the warm glow of lamps and the lanterns of restaurants and cafes in the evening. There were neat shelves stacked with papers pushed against the right and left wall, and a very big desk with a very big chair with a very small man in the middle. His back was turned to the windows. You didn't doubt there were ANBU somewhere in the room. </p><p>Third Tsuchikage Oonoki wasn't much to behold. He'd always been small but age had shrunk him even further, his beard long compared to his size, his nose large and red and his hands wrinkled with curling fingers. </p><p>But his smiles were ever changing and his beady dark eyes glittered with cunning. </p><p>"Ah, yes, the patrol mission which went wrong," he huffed in a creaking voice when he laid eyes on Miya. "Make it quick. At least with the Rain we don't have to make diplomatic jigs to sweep this incident under the rug since there's no government to take this up with." </p><p>"Actually, Oonoki-sama," Miya said and your heart stopped with anticipation, "I believe that has changed." </p><p>Takara was dead and Mako would never get a good job but in return your idle little stroll to a corpse was yielding results. Were you even ready for this? </p><p><em>Oi, </em>Deidara sneered<em>, it's not like you've been plotting this. Stop being a wuss, hm.</em> </p><p><em>Don't be a bastard</em>, you shot back, then breathed out slowly. You'd nudged the world. Now you had to let it go. You'd done enough nudging for a very long time. In fact, you weren't planning on ever doing that again unless a situation was just begging for it. </p><p>Oonoki's eyes gleamed. "Oh?" </p><p>Miya nodded. "During our patrol, we came across a corpse belonging to one of Hanzou's ninja. Takara and Deidara investigated its condition and it appeared to have been fleeing Amegakure and the Land of Rain. Only a few hours after our skirting with their border, we were ambushed by a squad consisting of one Jounin, one high Chuunin and one Chuunin level shinobi. They came from Ame as an organized, deployed force, all of them wearing the crossed-out forehead protectors of the rebels. I took out the two most challenging opponents, but not before one of the Genin had been killed. Takara. Deidara ended up taking out the last one. Mako is now requesting a transfer to filing, a decision I have no qualms with." </p><p>His gaze flickered to you so quickly you thought you'd be cut in half. For a moment he appraised you, then he looked satisfied with what he saw. Then, carelessly, he added:</p><p>"Consider the boy transferred."</p><p>Your best choice was to agree with Miya's report, which erased any stains your page might've ended up with, but you couldn't stay completely silent. "Tsuchikage-sama, why did the Ame-nin attack us and chase us in Earth territory?" </p><p>He smiled, and you wished your heart could at least sink. "Because they don't consider that to be our land. After the war, the Rain's borders shrunk since Taki and Iwa took sections of it. They'd lost the war, it was the price they payed." </p><p><em>But they weren't even instigators or major players, they were just a battleground. Of course they'd lose.</em> You wished you could feel worse. Instead you closed your eyes and tried not to start laughing. All this time you'd just been strolling through Rain terrain. Border patrol, huh? More like forcibly enforcing an annexation. To think there'd never been incidents there before.</p><p>At least it wasn't a heavily populated area. There might've been a few farms changing country, but they wouldn't be objecting to a military superpower. </p><p>"Now," Oonoki turned his attention back to Miya and you had a feeling he'd indulged you enough. "You mean to tell me Hanzou of the Salamander is dead?" </p><p>"Well, he must have lost-" </p><p>"Yes yes," he interrupted, "which means dead." </p><p>The old raisin shook his head and then sighed as though this was the kind of mess he'd rather deal with in the morning. He sunk into deep thoughts, fingers drumming against the table. You started to feel a little drowsy now that the noddles you'd inhaled began weighing on your stomach. </p><p>After what felt like an eternity but could only have been one minute, he nodded. "Yes, I see. I see. Miya, I want you to inform Kitsuchi-kun of this. Tell him to come here. Another late night for me, it seems." </p><p>Then he turned his dark eyes to you and your soles merged with the floor. "I expect you to do well in the upcoming Chuunin Exams. Train hard the next four months." </p><p>Your eyes widened before you managed to nod. "Y-yes. I will do my best." </p><p>Chuunin Exams? You knew these were only done with allies, so it'd have nothing to do with those Konoha held. This would be one with Kumo of Lightning, Taki of Waterfalls and perhaps one or two other small nations. The Frost seemed to be on good terms with Kumo, though they had little choice since they were neighbors. </p><p>Konoha and Suna on one side. Kumo and Iwa on the other. </p><p>Kiri was busy somersaulting out in the sea.</p><p>"You may both leave. Today, if you please, I have far too much to do for the two of you to be dillydallying." </p><p>Miya disappeared in a puff of smoke, which left you to hurry out of the office as gracefully as you could. You didn't trip. </p><p>As you rushed down the streets, your head spun and you pressed your lips together. There were people having a drink, people treating others for dinner, people walking with friends or lovers or spouses, people taking out the trash. Some were shinobi still in their uniform, some were ninja dressed casually and some were civilians even though the civilian districts were a little further down. </p><p>You took no detours on your way to the Clan compound. You were almost relieved Mari would be gone on a long-term mission for another week. </p><p>Once you got home, you stepped into the shower. The hot water gathering around your feet hinted with pink and beige before the foamy lather of soap covered it all. You hadn't known blood would gather in place like the folds of your ears. They never told you that in the Academy. You tried to start crying, coaxed yourself over and over again because you had to cry, you had to cry. Why couldn't you start crying? </p><p>You'd waltzed up to a dead Ame-nin, probably triggered some kind of warning signal and gotten Takara killed.</p><p>The water at your feet was now clear. There were no traces of the mission left on you, as though it'd never happened. </p><p>The spray was almost scalding but finally, <em>finally, </em>the tears came. And after the tears because <em>a tongue of steel and terror and an exploding head</em>, came the absurdity. You'd survived. You were alive. You were still alive. </p><p>
  <em>We're alive. </em>
</p><p>And with reddened skin in a steaming shower in a lonely house with too many burning candles, you burst out laughing.</p><p>You laughed and laughed until you were finally exhausted enough to drag yourself to bed, the smoke of burnt-up candles twisting around your room before being carried out of the open window by the breeze. </p><p>.</p><p>Takara was buried in an ubiquitous coffin on a forgettable place in the graveyard with a typical slab of rock as gravestone. It was warm and sunny with a refreshing breeze. His parents cried, and a very leggy girl you assumed to be his sister wept as well. Two other adults had glassy eyes as well, perhaps aunt and uncle, and a couple of children he must've been close to in the Academy were sobbing. </p><p>Mako, on crutches but walking nonetheless, stared at the natural stone with dull eyes and a somewhat resigned, ashamed expression. Miya was stone faced and solemn. <em>'I always get kids killed.'</em> </p><p>You bowed your head and tried to at least muster some wetness to your eyes. They remained dry.</p><p>.</p><p>A nameless errand Genin in his twenties stopped you on your way home. "There are complications with Moegara Mari-san's mission. She and her squad are delayed for unknown number of weeks, perhaps up to two months."</p><p>.</p><p>Thirteen days after graduating from the Academy and the day after the funeral you were placed on a new team. They were a man down since only two out of three Genin were ready to take the Chuunin Exam. You hadn't gotten to know your last team: Miya was back to regular Jounin duties, Mako was learning the ropes in the archives, Takara was dead and you were being prepared for the Chuunin Exams. </p><p>Most of the time you were training. When you weren't training you were sent on C-ranks meant to give you practical experience to rely on during the Exams. </p><p>You were starting to get better at infusing your chakra in objects, especially the detonating clay Akira had given you after you'd devoured all her dried dates once you'd woken up from your first post-Ame night. The sight of it had made you snort, but the stuff was effective. </p><p>Nobody spoke about Amegakure or the Land of Rain. News hadn't spread in the village and though you were certain all Jounin and squad leaders were informed of the clash, you kept quiet about it. </p><p>Questions were safely tucked away, buried by training.</p><p>You had quickly realized that creating homing missiles and moving clay birds or insects must only have been made possible by the hand-mouths the other timeline's Deidara had somehow come to possess. You could control when your clay bombs exploded and was starting to learn what caused bigger blasts (more chakra and more focused tugs to make it collide), but controlling the way the clay moved? </p><p>Impossible. </p><p>"After the Exams, each one of you who passes will be put on separate teams requiring your skill set," your new Jounin sensei had informed you. There was Kei, tanned and violet-eyed who could detect chakra trails and had learned how to heal minor injuries: you suspected she'd be placed on a recon squad and would become a field medic. Then there was Iemaru, short and stocky with spiky gray hair who had a strong affinity for earth and was developing into a ninjutsu user: capture and detain, most likely. And finally you, nine years old with a golden ponytail and slanted eyes and buzzing chakra: sabotage or heavy hitting. The others were twelve years old, with two more years of experience at Geninhood than you. </p><p>You'd never considered yourself to have soft hands: too much weapon handling, too many callouses. But now heat was starting to sear at them much more often, always on the verge of leaving you with blisters and burns, and it showed. Your fingerprints were the first to go, followed by any baby skin left. Instead your palms now had a smooth, sometimes even leathery, feel to them. You were more heat resistant than most others, a side effect of your bloodline, but you were far from immune. </p><p>You preferred the long-distance bombs: less messy, more overview, more appreciation for your own work. But you didn't want to rip your chakra pathways the next time you were forced into close combat and had to infuse your chakra quickly. You'd investigated Gari's techniques by asking Akira, whose old age and past as housewife sure payed off since she knew everything about everyone in the Clan. </p><p>"Gari-kun?" Her lips had formed a thoughtful pout and her watery eyes and creased shut when she reminisced. "Yes, he had splendid control of his chakra natures and releases. He wouldn't even have to pour his chakra into somebody else. As soon as he was close enough he would gather the chakra in his hand and make it explode outward by following up with a thin sheet of lightning-nature chakra which hasn't completely shifted into pure lightning yet. Our Kekkei Genkai is weak against lightning since it causes the balance of chakra natures to shift, and by having such chakra in his palm at the moment of the explosion he could somewhat direct the energy. It took a lot of practice, though. It's easy to accidentally stifle the explosion itself." </p><p>You did not have such control yet. Your strong affinity for explosion release had meant you'd barely even had to worry about the amount of earth-style and lightning-style to use: it had come naturally. </p><p>For now you'd simply have to learn to infuse faster. Even weak explosions could cause immense damage inside a body- if you could just hold on for a solid second to pour your chakra into them without getting stabbed in the process. </p><p>Aside from becoming faster at pouring your chakra, you bought new shuriken. You'd always gone for standard shuriken, and at first the shop owner had automatically started reaching out for those. But you weren't buying them anymore.</p><p>"No," you shook your head, eyes scanning the wall made up of square drawers, each with a label on it. "There are some weapons which can store chakra, right?" </p><p>You'd always prefer the clay, for even the highest quality of chakra-storing weapons wouldn't be able to hold as much as the clay, but having tricks up your sleeves never hurt. </p><p>"Well," he started, walking from behind his counter to skim his fingers along the drawers, "usually such weapons are swords, or other weapons which aren't thrown."</p><p>He nodded toward various blades neatly lined against the wall. </p><p>"Just shuriken is fine, yeah," you assured him with a smile. </p><p>"These can hold the most and are just as well-balanced as normal ones," he started, but once look at the prices and you blanched. No wonder people didn't want to have chakra-storing weapons meant for throwing away. He moved on. "These are able to store a relative amount and are still well-balanced, but aren't as strong or sharp-" </p><p>"Those! Three packages, please," you chirped. They didn't need to be sharp or sturdy, and they weren’t traumatically more expensive than the standardized ones. He smiled and started counting shuriken: each package was fifteen shuriken, which was how many were usually in a pouch. </p><p>You took in his shop while he was busy, eyes falling on a pair of fingerless, supple leather gloves. Leather didn't burn easily. </p><p>"How much for those?" </p><p>"320 ryou." </p><p>You didn't have that much money, not since you were already spending so much on detonating clay and chakra-storing shuriken. You'd spent the last money from your C-rank gone B-rank on dried dates, though at least the majority of it had gone to clay. </p><p>"Could you save them for me?" </p><p>You gazed up at him with wide eyes and a guileless smile, hands clasped together. He sighed and -reluctantly- hid them behind the counter. </p><p>"You have three days," he warned, and you nodded eagerly with stretching lips. You'd get your allowance tomorrow. </p><p>"Don't sell them to anybody else, yeah!" </p><p>.</p><p>You'd been about to kick your sandals off but froze. Your plans of eating the food Akira had left you (tuna gyoza, yum) and then spending the evening in your room with dried dates and twenty-something lit candles and a good book were forgotten. </p><p>There were a pair of large, worn sandals where you'd been about to drop yours. </p><p>Mari was home from her mission. </p><p>Instead of leaving your shoes in a mess like you'd otherwise do, you lined them neatly against the wall. Like Akira and Mari had taught you. Quietly, breath held, you walked into the kitchen. </p><p>"Kaa-chan?" </p><p>And there she stood, stirring a pot of soup, short blond hair wet and smelling of her favorite shampoo, wearing a fluffy shawl over a pajamas. </p><p>"Kaa-chan!" </p><p>She turned around with a wet burst of laughter, opening her arms. "Yes, yes I'm here. Sorry I ate the dinner Akira left you, but I made soup for you although it's not that good 'cause I'm not great at cooking you see, sorry, but it's with marinated tofu and seaweed so maybe-</p><p>Seaweed was expensive and difficult to get ahold of. You loved exotic things. </p><p>(You'd loved the fields of grass with birch and oak trees in Rain where the sky had been iron gray and the sun a watery trickle.) </p><p>(And then Takara had died.) </p><p>With chakra in your muscles you ran to hug her, reaching her in a second. </p><p>"My, you've grown faster," she laughed weakly and you held on tighter in case she pushed you away. "And stronger." </p><p>You didn't answer and tightened your grip until your knuckles turned white and your struggle to breathe could only be because of that. You managed: "You can have the tuna gyoza." </p><p>Mari laughed, her fingers starting to work with your ponytail, and soon the golden strands fell freely. When she started combing them, you closed your eyes. </p><p>"They said there were problems with your mission..." </p><p>"Classified," she shushed, fingers catching on a few knots she quickly worked through. "How are you?"</p><p>"I'm going to Kumo in a few months," you told her, "they want me to become a Chuunin." </p><p>You could feel her fingers tremble against your skull at the name. "You'll be a great Chuunin." </p><p>"They like that I made somebody's head explode." </p><p>She pried your away from her and for a moment you feared she'd leave, but instead she crouched in front of you, staring right into your eyes. She had to look up to do so. You weren't as small anymore. </p><p>Her hands came to rest on your shoulders. "I'm so, so sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry to hear about your teammate, and I'm sorry I've missed so much." </p><p>"I," you started with an aching throat, "I didn't even <em>know</em> him well so why does it hurt, why does it <em>hurt</em> to talk and think about it-" </p><p>Her smile was mild, "because you still knew him." </p><p>"It hurts more that he died than that I killed somebody. I'd do it again, yeah." </p><p>She nodded, drawing you in for a hug. Mari had never been the one to hug you before. She smelled of burned sugar and apple shampoo, and beneath her soft clothes she was all muscle and body heat. </p><p>"I wish I'd been there for you." </p><p>You didn't answer that. The initial relief that you'd gotten the first weeks after the mission to yourself still lingered. </p><p><em>I would say 'face it, you don't need her', but you're bad at facing things. And people, hm</em>. </p><p>.</p><p>You twisted mid-air to avoid the rocks Iemaru's jutsu hurled your way and raised your hands into <em>snake, dog, ram</em> and with a sharp exhale the earth beneath his feet ruptured where you'd left your clay bombs.</p><p>.</p><p>"Hello," you grinned nicely, "I'm here to see Fujida Mako." </p><p>The woman at the desk gave you a tired look. You kept on beaming down at her, nicer and nicer until honey poison dripped off it. With a sigh, she started leafing through the pages of a personnel book.  </p><p>"He's in the back today," she informed you, "organizing the mess of all our documented D-ranks from before the war." </p><p>"Thank you." </p><p>You didn't bother inclining your head before walking into the archives. It was an vast space filled with shelf after shelf of paperwork. A handful of Genin and Chuunin milled about. </p><p>Mako was seated on the ground in the very back, a few open folder scattered around him. He was putting the old mission reports back in in chronological order and looked up when your feet entered his line of vision. Surprise was written across his face. </p><p>"Deidara-san?" </p><p>You didn't look like you usually did, hair pulled back into a braid and clad in a simple summer dress. Your grin was sheepish, even when you seated yourself in front of him. "Yep. Sorry I didn't come sooner, I've been training. And procrastinating a bit." </p><p>"N-no, don't worry," he assured you, (<em>rain cloud</em>) gray eyes wide, "I saw you practicing some mornings, it looked really rough, I'd be exhausted." </p><p>The first two weeks after coming home, the two of you would once in a while walk part of the way to work or training together, usually with you prattling on with a bright grin over absolutely nothing. He'd nod at the right moments. Eventually you both stopped walking together.</p><p>"At first I always was," you chuckled, remembering your aching muscles and burning lungs, "it's gotten much better. I can run whole laps around Iwa now, yeah!" </p><p>Then you cleared your throat, sobering a little. </p><p>"Actually, I'm here to check up on you and apologize." </p><p>Mako looked befuddled, blinking and eyebrows drawing together. "What?" </p><p>You shrugged. "Well, how are you? I'm sorry that you never got to be Chuunin." </p><p>He started placing the papers in their folders again, eyes on his work. "I heard... I hear you're taking the Exam soon, though, so, uh, g-good luck? Good luck." </p><p>"Thanks," you nodded, bangs flopping at the movement, "that's another reason I'm here, actually. I'm leaving for Kumo in a few days and- and I'm not going to keep avoiding stuff. So I guess I'm sorry, still. Sorry I'll make Chuunin without you." </p><p>He didn't look up, but for a split-second his hands stilled before he continued filing. "You sound confident you'll, you know..." </p><p>"I'm aiming for the top, yeah," you grinned breezily, "so this is goodbye for now. Good luck to you as well." </p><p>He nodded. "Thank you." </p><p>You stood up, stretched with a popping back, and then wandered out. </p><p>.</p><p>Miya was about to depart on a mission when you finally managed to track her down. She was paying for an early lunch and must've been ready to head to the village gates. </p><p>"I'll walk with you," you told her, and she shot you a vaguely disinterested look before nodding. The streets were brimming with people as you walked down the main road together. </p><p>"Thank you for being my first sensei," you settled for, because mostly you'd run D-ranks together or sparred with Takara and Mako. Neither of who would ever spar again. "I wish it hadn't ended this way." </p><p>"You and me both," she said lightly. None of you pointed out that neither was sorry it had ended at all, only the way in which it'd happened. "Not how a Genin should have it during peace." </p><p>"Actually, I wanted to ask you about the Rain, yeah," you said and almost expected Miya to teleport way or for a shadow in the crowd to give you a warning glare. Nothing happened. "What's going on now, between Iwa and Ame?"</p><p>"Not much," she divulged, "it's hard to establish any communications and I haven't been digging into it. But they won't be asking for your head, if that's what you're worried about." </p><p>"I like my head where it is," you decided, still curious and lowering your voice, "and their new leader...?" </p><p>"Not Hanzou, at least. The only other thing I know is that eventually we'll have to come to an agreement about borders, but that's still far into the future. Talks with Ame are going slow, mostly because there's barely any talk at all." </p><p>"Oh, okay," and turned to spout some pleasantries and say goodbye, but Miya was already gone. </p><p>.</p><p>"Sorry for not visiting earlier," you told Takara's grave, which hadn't changed much since the last time you saw it: three and a half months ago at his funeral. There were some wilting flowers scattered around it. "Guess I should've brought flowers, but maybe you're allergic and... Actually, no, let's- <em>let's face it</em>, I just didn't feel like taking that detour." </p><p>There was a moment of silence. It felt weird to talk to a stone.</p><p>"Maybe it's my fault you got killed, maybe it's not. Probably is, yeah. I'm sorry you died and that I can't feel more guilty. Does that make me a jerk?" </p><p>The sun was starting to sink, the late afternoon light casting a golden light. You shivered in your summer dress. </p><p>"In any case, you're the last one of the team I'm leaving, so this is goodbye. I hope we don't see each other for a long, long while." </p><p>You observed the stone for a little longer, and then you left. </p><p>.</p><p>The library's main space was an airy, spacious room with square windows lining each wall like buttons. Secluded tables were hidden between the many shelves to give the feeling of calm and privacy. With the lanterns lighting around the village behind you, you'd slipped inside. </p><p>And proceeded to scourge a forgotten section at the back. </p><p>It was hard to find, but finally you got ahold of an old atlas with all the borders from before the Third Shinobi War. There had been a few books detailing the known (and public) consequences for each nation, but there had only been a vague line at best about <em>acquired lands</em>. All the information about borders shifts and other statistics could be found, but it took a little time and comparing. </p><p>According to the new atlas, you'd indeed been patrolling a border. A quiet border, at that. </p><p>According to the old atlas, the border had ran close to the place where you'd killed the Ame-nin. What had he said? Something about painlessness? </p><p>Maybe if you'd run a little further and crossed the place he believed to be the border, you wouldn't have had to kill him. Or maybe it would have made no difference. It left you rather indifferent. </p><p>You'd rather be safe than sorry. </p><p>An assistant at the front desk called out: "We're closing in ten minutes for all without special clearance!" </p><p>You sighed and closed the two atlases. A handful of books you'd skimmed the indexes of (in case there'd be something useful) lay scattered around the table as well. You'd have to bring it all back, now. </p><p>Around you, chairs scraped quietly against the floor when people starting getting ready to leave. </p><p>You stood up as well, piled the books on top of each other to inconspicuously leave in a corner for the cleaning lady to find and put back for you, and then paused. The shelves shielded you from view, unless somebody was squinting at you from between the books. </p><p>Straight-faced and with steady fingers you opened the outdated  atlas again. The map of the Five Great Nations was a double page exactly in the middle, lucky you, so there would be no torn papers to indicate anything was missing, only a skip in page numbers.</p><p>Your old, skittish (<em>weak</em>) consciousness protested. </p><p>You still worked away at the middle pages until you held an old map in your hands. A map you carefully folded and tucked into a pocket in your pants before lifting up the books and atlases and dutifully putting them back in their place. </p><p>Then you walked out of the library. </p><p>.</p><p><em>You've been quiet all day,</em> you thought as you started lighting the candles in your room, stomach heavy with tuna gyoza.<em> No commentary, no taunting, I'd almost think you were being considerate, yeah</em>. </p><p><em>Oh, I've been having a field day watching you</em>, he drawled, <em>nothing more fun than you talking to people we couldn't care less about, hm</em>. </p><p><em>I wouldn't go that far, </em>you objected, moving on to the next candles<em>. I'm not uncaring</em>. </p><p>You could actually feel him rolling his eyes. </p><p><em>And not as bad at facing people</em>, you tacked on, not quite smug. <em>I suppose I should thank you for nagging me about that.</em></p><p><em>I don't nag, hm</em>.  </p><p>You snorted, lighting the final candle on your nightstand. Then you fished up the map from your pocket, something you'd really not planned on stealing until it'd just happened. You looked at the yellowing paper. Then at the candle flame. It danced in the mild summer breeze, turning and twisting and alive. </p><p>Beautiful. </p><p>In the end you hid the stolen map in a leather purse leaning against the foot of your bed. </p><p><em>Well, I think we're ready to move into Chuunin-hood, yeah, </em>you mused, crawling into bed with a good book you weren't planning on opening just yet.<em> I think we'll make a pretty good Chuunin. </em></p><p><em>Pretty good? </em>Deidara echoed, incredulous, almost malicious<em>, more than pretty good, hm! That is, if you can actually get over yourself and stop thinking about how some idiot teammate got himself stabbed in the neck. I mean, what a stupid way to go</em>- </p><p><em>Any way to go is stupid, </em>you thought back, a little too harshly, then forced yourself to soften,<em> you'd say the same about anything. </em></p><p><em>That Ame-nin went out with a bang, </em>he retorted,<em> don't tell me otherwise. </em></p><p><em>I, </em>you started, wanting to deny it because anything else was wrong, but couldn't string that lie together,<em> I wasn't going to. </em></p><p>It was quiet for a moment and you smirked at the knowledge you'd caught him off guard. </p><p><em>I gotta be honest with someone, you know, </em>you mentally rolled your eyes<em>, even if it's- </em></p><p>
  <em>Somebody you can't face. </em>
</p><p><em>I've been facing things all day. Yo</em><em>u didn't think I'd avoid the ghost in my head, right? I thought you knew everything I knew</em>. </p><p><em>I do</em>, he protested indignantly, and you shook your head. Huffed. </p><p>Placed the book -a twisted tale about moral duality- on your pillow. Words had been on Deidara's tongue, you knew, but they never came. You could feel him waiting, suddenly still. </p><p>Restless. </p><p>Waiting. </p><p>You smiled pleasantly and crossed your legs, getting into the classic meditative stance. Perhaps a bit dramatic, you didn't need to be cross-legged with closed eyes and whatnot, but you liked flair. There was something very satisfying about it. </p><p>Your rested your hands upon your knees, forming a circle with your thumb and pointer finger, and exhaled slowly. Steadily. Felt the thrum of your chakra inside, first the main pathways but within moments even the smallest branches. </p><p>And delved deeper inside. Deidara felt more and more real as the darkness from behind your eyelids started brightening. You left your chakra pathways behind as you sunk further. Deeper. The darkness brightened and brightened until you stood upon the edge of a cliff overlooking the tips of a mountain range hinting through the clouds just below. </p><p>It was as though the cliff was the beach and the blanket of lazily moving clouds the sea, with the hints of mountain tips a few scattered stones. </p><p>You breathed in deeply, and marveled at the detail in your mindscape: there were those pale green tufts of grass and flowers you'd seen on the mountains during spring, but the air was from a mild summer day. </p><p>"It's beautiful," you breathed, aware of a presence (so so so real, <em>so real</em>) right behind you, "just like a dream, yeah!" </p><p>"I see anything you see, hm," Deidara grumbled, his voice both in your head and in your ear, and you swore you could feel the heat of his breath, smell something dry and warm and human. "I guess it was fun to create this with our impressions." </p><p>Your barked a laugh. "What, so you change my mindscape at will?" </p><p>"Tch, not really- just some details, things which suits us," he answered and you could feel his blush, hear his shrug when his clothes rustled. "Whatever, hm."</p><p>Now you noticed details you indeed remembered: the way the clouds flowed and curled, but now into infinity like you'd dreamed about the sea, the poppies from the side of the road now grew freely one the edge, as did the starry white flowers you'd seen in the Ame grass. </p><p>You started laughing. "It's pretty damn amazing, yeah!" </p><p>The clouds continued dancing like slow-motion waves and the weeds shone like paint drops and eventually you sobered. Found yourself to be a little embarrassed. Not the kind which made your cheeks redden, but the type which made something inside churn. It was a feeling you despised. </p><p>So you ground your jaw and turned around to face Deidara. </p><p>And blinked when you laid eyes on him. </p><p>He was your height, your age, with eyes identical to your own: pale, silvery blue, too bright with too dark pupils. His hair was loose and a lot like your own: the same golden blond, with slightly too long bangs not long enough to tuck behind his ears but too short not to fall in front of his face, the rest flowing around his shoulders. The same golden tan and delicately straight nose, the same ears and androgynous face. The same teal shirt and dull brown pants you usually wore, though you were currently still in your rosy summer dress.</p><p>There were some subtle differences: perhaps his face was a tad more boyish around the future jawline, and there was something about the body proportions you couldn't quite lay a finger on. Maybe the limbs... </p><p>And he was staring right back at you, trying not to gawk but kind of failing. </p><p>"Hey," you said, and he scoffed but had to turn away to hide a twist of the lips. When he trusted himself again, he faced you. </p><p>"Took you long enough." </p><p>You ignored that. "Can you always see me, or is this your first time too?" </p><p>He scowled. "You're there but not, I can't really see you but you're still here. Sometimes a little more, sometimes less. Hm." </p><p>You reached out to touch him, but stopped yourself, hand hovering halfway.</p><p>He was so close. Not close enough to feel his body heat, but you imagined it was there. Close enough to soak in his features, though. He probably wouldn't want you to-</p><p>But fuck that, today was you facing everything or whatever. You reached out, fingers brushing against his temple. He felt warm, human, just like a nine year old boy should. </p><p>But he wasn't a normal human nine year old boy because he was a ghost in your skull who wanted your old Academy teacher dead and you'd somehow started talking almost normally over the past year and that didn't make sense but he was still here right in front of you looking like a normal human nine year old boy who wasn't any of that. </p><p>Your hand fell back to your side. His eyes were wide, and it struck you that this was the first time somebody had ever reached out to him. He may be there whenever you hugged Mari or elbowed Iemaru or got a pat on the head from Kei, but he himself had never received it. Not fully, like you had. </p><p>"Guess I've faced you now, yeah," you grinned wide and white, "ready to make Chuunin?" </p><p>He nodded, unblinking. </p><p>"Good," you bobbed your head, "good good. I'll... leave now." </p><p>You turned on your heel and was greeted by the sea of clouds and mountain tops. Breathed out, started drawing yourself back into your body. </p><p>Just as the mindscape started to disappear in front of you, a harsh tug to your hair made you refocus on it, keeping you there for a moment longer. You whipped around, shooting Deidara was questioning glare. </p><p>"What was that for, yeah!? Not the <em>hair</em>." </p><p>He looked a little taken aback, then shook his head and crossed his arms. "Whatever, hm." </p><p>But he couldn't meet your eyes. </p><p>Your expression softened, and as you started leaving the cliff again you promised: "I'll see you soon." </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've started thinking about shipping, and while I'm not sure you'll be falling in  l o v e love, I'm open to suggestions, scenarios, etc... </p><p>I felt like a moving on chapter was in order: you may not feel bad about killing somebody and not be easily affected, but the knowledge that you caused Takara's death more than the death itself is hard to come to terms with.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Kumogakure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was almost ready a week ago but then I accidentally deleted it all, which is a Very Big EWW. The beginning of the chapter is rather slow, but it gets better. </p><p>As for how I address countries and villages. The countries are all in English (Fire, Earth, Hot Water), while the Hidden Villages in Japanese (Konoha, Iwa, Yuu). In cases where they don't name the country but we know a Village, the Village is Taki or Kusa, while the country is the English translation: Waterfall and Grass in this case. The full list in the end note^^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One week before the Chuunin Exams, nine Iwa teams left for Kumogakure no Sato. The morning of the day before they were meant to start, the teams reached Kumo. Your tenth birthday had come and gone with only an extra piece of jerky from the rations to show. Muscles ached yet not quite burned after the days of travelling, even though you'd occasionally funneled chakra through your muscles. You longed desperately for a proper shower since rivers could only do so much, and like most others (well, not the accompanying Jounin instructors) a little cranky since sleeping on the ground five nights in a row wasn't something you were used to. Your chakra balanced somewhere around half-gone, not depleted enough to cause any problems but still far from tip top. </p><p>Five days of intense travelling took their toll, but they were worth it. </p><p>You were certain there were other ways to get to Kumo, but to keep things cordial the group had stuck to the official winding road and finally, after a sharp turn, you laid eyes on the heart of Lightning. Slivers of clouds snaked through the village, a little like the sea of clouds from your mindscape- perhaps your curiosity for the outside world had manifested it there. Bridges and other constructions which must've been created partially with earth-style connected the village together with the many roads snaking along the mountain sides. </p><p>You knew the Iwa terrain: rocky mountains with dry shrubs and coarse tufts of grass, cold streams and twisting pines. You'd seen what the Grass and Rain looked like -with dreary skies, soft high meadows and birches dotting the expanse- and you'd darted through the forest consuming the Earth's southern borders: grappling roots and matte leaves with little vegetation on the ground, which was always either muddy or dust-dry. </p><p>You'd absorbed your surroundings on your way to Kumo, and only been somewhat sated. </p><p>The Land of Waterfalls lay next to Grass and was humid and verdant, seeming to trap the rain and any moisture from its rivers and waterfalls (of which there were many, sure, but you'd kind of expected more) under the thick canopies. The light which managed to filter through was an ethereal green, and you'd seen butterflies the size of your hand at one point. </p><p>(You'd barely blinked when passing through, but still been relieved when it turned out you wouldn't have to sleep in that place.) </p><p>The Land of Rice Paddies was humid as well, but had open skies and agricultural with people working on fields and houses dotting the softly rolling hills. Then came the Land of Hot Water, where weeping willows admired their reflections in the many hot springs, both natural and commercialized. Then there was the Land of Frost, where things got hilly and sudden boulders would lean against the trunks as though strewn there ages ago by a giant (<em>Juubi</em>, echoed through your skull), and your Jounin sensei had told Kei, Iemaru and yourself: </p><p>"The sea is a twenty minute run away." Hiroki had pointed toward the right, and the three of your stared in that direction as though the trees and hills would suddenly part to reveal the sea. That did not happen. </p><p>"The Land of Water is on the other side, right?" Kei had asked, and Iemaru had narrowed his eyes. Hiroki had nodded while one of his colleagues started telling an anecdote from when a Kiri-nin had tried spicy soba. </p><p>Finally, you'd crossed into the Land of Lightning, where the hills grew and sharpened until you were scaling mountains. It was nothing like the sturdy Iwa mountain ranges: these mountains reminded you more of the spikes of a comb, filtering the thin clouds which you'd recently passed above. The second layer of clouds was far up in the skies. You'd never realized there were clouds at different heights, so far apart. </p><p>"The houses are different," you noted as everybody started walking again. "The windows are much bigger than any other place we've been." </p><p><em>The view is pretty amazing, hm,</em> Deidara supposed, but you could critique in his voice, <em>as long as the clouds don't make a whiteout</em>. </p><p>"It's said that glass was first invented here," Hiroki, who headed the entire group, supplied. He was a large man with bruises beneath his eyes and callouses just about everywhere, with a brutal grip and the most atrocious unbrushed auburn hair you'd ever seen. </p><p>"Wouldn't you see everything your neighbor does, though?" Kei wondered, dark head tilting to the side, "because of the giant windows." </p><p>Iemaru surveyed Kumo with his usual passive face. </p><p><em>The clouds look really soft</em>, you thought with a smile, taking in the tufts floating by just below the bridges and constructions connecting the entire Village.</p><p>"I'd have thought it was Suna which invented it. You know, because of all the sand," Kei went on, violet eyes alight.</p><p>"Kumo is fairly close to the sea," a Jounin instructor walking last in the group called out, "they have their own sand supplies at the foot of their cliffs, believe it or not." </p><p>You scanned the surrounding mountains. The sun was warm and sharp, but the breeze was chilly enough to counter it and yes- there was a whiff of salt or something similar in the wind. You'd caught it in the Frost as well. </p><p>Slate blue eyes glittered, and in your mindscape you threw a grin over your shoulder. Deidara grinned back. </p><p>"I want to see the sea one day," you blurted out, returning to reality, "and go cliff jumping, yeah." </p><p>"Doubt you'll see much sea as a Genin," Hiroki stated, then straightened visibly- a sign meant for even Genin to understand that Kumo-nin were about to appear. </p><p>Seconds later, four materialized  in front of you. You supposed the representatives from your closest ally had to be greeted if they arrived in a group like this. The leader was a gaunt, middle aged man with a goatee and an eye patch, clad in the standard navy and white Kumo uniform and his forehead protector sewn onto a cap. </p><p>"Hiroki-san," he greeted, perfectly polite, "I trust your journey went well?"</p><p>"Dodai-san," Hiroki greeted, perfectly polite, "the journey went well." </p><p>The three others were around fifteen or sixteen, probably forming a team: two blondes, a boy and a girl, as well as a boy with a broad sword strapped to his back. The girl's hair was short and her eyes an icy, <em>icy</em> blue, and she had the kind of cleavage you didn't even dare peek at. The boy's hair was a feathery mess, with inky eyes and a nice smile which made alarm bells blare in your head. The last -the leader of the three, his stance said, but still answering to the man named Dodai- had a vacuumed expression and soft white hair and muscles which rippled beneath his dark skin with every move. All three wore the white flak jackets as well, though the girl wore a tunic underneath instead of the typical navy which the others had. </p><p>She was incredibly beautiful. </p><p>You blinked and told yourself that was irrelevant. </p><p>Dodai turned to the rest of the group, nodding in the direction of the other Jounin before addressing everybody in a warm voice. "Welcome to Kumogakure. You must be exhausted after your travels, so there is a hotel ready for you with warm food and hot showers." </p><p>That sounded amazing, and probably also like a hotel which foreign ninja were always housed in to make surveillance easy and somewhat non-threatening since being watched would be open knowledge. There were two hotels like that in Iwa, too: a more expensive and nice one and then the smaller, more run-down one for those either not ranked high enough to warrant the good one or on too unimportant missions in Iwa's eyes. </p><p>One of the boys from another team's stomach growled at the mention of food. You bit back a laugh. Kei's eyes glittered. </p><p>Iemaru hadn't even shifted. </p><p>You were willing to bet he hadn't even glanced at the pretty girl. </p><p><em>Isn't that what thirteen year old boys do</em>, you wondered privately, or as privately you could. </p><p><em>I think you’re doing the aweing for him, hm</em>, Deidara shot back. </p><p>You chose to ignore that. </p><p>The Kumo team escorted you to the hotel. Kei was looking around her with naked curiosity, observing both the people and the village itself. You'd heard that Iwa and Kumo were the two most alike villages in terms of structure due to the terrain, and you supposed it was true: the bridges and clusters of buildings shared a vague resemblance. But other than that, there were very little similarities. The houses here had great windows and often had a paint job applied, and though there were blondes in Iwa they weren't ever such pale blondes. Almost everybody in Kumo had fair hair: either that pale blond (not deep gold like yours, but truly light) or a pure white like you'd only ever seen on old people but much thicker, in which case they had dark bronze skin. There were a few brunettes and ravens, but it clearly wasn't all that common. You did spot somebody with blue hair, though. </p><p>You also noticed there weren't many insects. You supposed the altitude had something to do with that: even though Iwa was famed for its rocks and mountains, Kumo was clearly higher up. </p><p>Dodai led the team, but judging by the interactions your early suspicious was correct: the three younger ones were actually a separate team who'd been temporarily assigned to him. The blank-faced young man was Darui and indeed the squad leader, while the beautiful girl was called Samui and the friendly-looking one Cee. </p><p>Darui's name was definitely familiar. You were fairly certain he'd been one of the commanders during the Fourth Shinobi War and would be close to the Raikage. Samui's and Cee's weren't <em>completely</em> foreign, but you doubted there was more than their names and affiliation to Kumo noted into your book. </p><p>.</p><p>The room was nice but practical, unsurprisingly. No hidden doors or additional details, just simple rectangular spaces and safe bathrooms and straightforward beds. You didn't doubt there were Kumo-nin stationed every few rooms, posing as hotel guests. At least next to the one the Jounin instructors shared. </p><p>You shared a room with Kei and Iemaru, each their own futon and cupboard. Nobody unpacked more than their pajamas and toiletries, leaving spare clothes, weapons and the likes in your bags. </p><p>A generous meal and hot shower later, the three of you waddled to a corner each and slipped beneath the blankets. It was dark in the room, a dim glow from the village seeping through the curtains in front of the ridiculously large window. There weren't any candles, and even if there'd been you doubted you'd have lit any. You hoped neither of you teammates (they were teammates, right?) snored. </p><p>The pillow was a little too soft: you sunk right through. </p><p>"If anybody wakes up before Hiroki-sensei comes, can you wake me up?" Kei asked, a silhouette in the dark, "as long as it's not <em>too</em> early." </p><p>"Sure," you agreed, pulling up the blankets higher, "if I wake up before he comes." </p><p>Hiroki had no compassion when it came to rousing people. </p><p>"Thanks," she chimed, and you could hear a smile in her voice. It was quiet after that, and your breaths slowed. It wasn't that late, but everybody was tired and wanted to be in peak condition the coming days. </p><p>Sleep started beckoning you. </p><p>"I wonder what the first challenge will be," Kei wondered and you found yourself awake again, "ahhh, I'm a little nervous but also kind of excited? Curious, at least."</p><p>"The first test is usually one where you use your head, yeah," you said through a yawn, smiled lazily, "guess I'm a little excited as well." </p><p><em>And tense, hm</em>, Deidara pointed out, <em>your stretches are usually much better, they were stiff this evening</em>. </p><p><em>Eh</em>, you thought back, tried to think of something smart but came up blank since you were sleepy, <em>I'll manage, I just need some rest.</em></p><p><em>Could have been the travels, </em>Deidara supposed rather nicely, <em>or else... </em></p><p><em>The travels, </em>you agreed with a grin. </p><p>"Perfect," the brunette hummed, and you swore you could see her violet eyes glittering, "then we have tomorrow to rest our muscles as well, huh?" </p><p>Iemaru made a sound you hoped was agreement, but he could also have just stifled a yawn. </p><p>"Do you know what will happen to your third teammate if we all make Chuunin?" You inquired, shifting to lay on your side in order to watch the two others. As expected, it was Kei who answered. </p><p>"Well, the three of us will either make a team or be divided into other squads. I think we were just paired for the exams to have a bit of everything, you know, but I could be wrong," she theorized, and stretched in the dark, "some medical and sensory in me, some offense in you and then defense in Iemaru-kun." </p><p>"Hmm, seems balanced," you said, and knew Iwa didn't do nicely balanced, jack-of-all-trades teams unless it was for a particular mission. You'd never had a problem with that, but for a moment it made you feel a little sad, a little lost. </p><p>You'd come to feel safe around Kei's easygoing curiosity and Iemaru's quiet nature. </p><p><em>I like this team</em>, was on the tip of your tongue, but you swallowed it back and crushed the words. </p><p>Deidara said nothing, but for a moment you felt a brush of warmth against your hand, and somewhere deep within your head your fingers curled tighter around his. (You knew he didn't care about the team, but he cared just a little bit about you and sometimes, <em>sometimes</em>, he wasn't as ass.) </p><p>"If I make Chuunin in Kumo, I'll buy a souvenir," Kei decided, "a small glass pendant. I saw one on our way here. I hear the next exams are in Iwa, so..." </p><p>"A souvenir," you repeated, and thought of buying another textile poster. </p><p>Then Iemaru said, "sleep," and because he spoke so rarely the two of you did just that. </p><p>.</p><p>Getting ready that morning felt odd, but not in a bad way. Anticipation and something gritty was building inside of you, your blood simmering and chakra on edge with suspense. You felt more ready to dart into a forest and hunt somebody down than take a mental test, but you supposed the latter would do. </p><p>The light outside was that pre-dawn gray which, when paired with the slivers of cloud ghosting along the ground outside in places, seemed to veil the world in mysteries. </p><p>On with the brown pants, then the mesh shirt you'd taken to wearing since Ame, above which you wore the teal v-neck with elbow-length sleeves, followed by your standard Iwa-sandals and finally your black, fingerless gloves. Your hair went up into its high ponytail, and though your bangs were starting to get long enough to go into it you left them out. Tied your headband so that the metal protected your forehead. </p><p>A pouch filled with shuriken and three flash bombs fastened just in case, as was your kunai holster. A pouch of detonating clay was strapped to the other side of your hip. Better safe than sorry. </p><p>The others seemed to share the same sentiment. Aside from her usual black and white clothes, Kei had outfitted herself with her weapons as well. Iemaru had done the same, and beneath his gray garbs you could see mesh armor peek past the hems. </p><p>Well. Iwa had always been famous for its stony attitude and battle-ready teams. </p><p>When Hiroki slammed the door open to wake everybody up, looking even more flinty with a bedhead a pre-coffee mannerisms, everybody was ready. </p><p>"Food," he groused, scanned everybody with narrowed eyes, and then not quite smiled and nodded. Kei practically glowed. You grinned. Iemaru stood a little straighter. "Make sure you eat and drink, and go to the toilet before we leave. There are no potty breaks from now on."</p><p>"No sir," Kei chirped, looking a little terrifying when the first rays of sunshine fell on her determined smile. </p><p>"Let's go, yeah."</p><p>.</p><p>The building was a large one with somewhat more reasonably sized windows, framed by bright red wood panels. The room all Chuunin prospects were gathered in was on the second highest floor, and even though there were more people than you'd ever be able to count the room was large enough for it not to be cramped. There was a notable lack of furniture, though. In reality you supposed the roof was high, but considering the width and length of the waiting room it didn't feel that way. </p><p>"It's very airy, considering the amount of people," Kei noted, and you surveyed the people. Most were in their mid teens, though there were a few closer to twenty and a handful who were Kei and Iemaru's age. You were one of the youngest in the room, though you did see a boy around eight years old. </p><p>There were, understandably, mostly Kumo-nin present: seventeen three-man squads of mostly tall and light-haired people with proud eyes. Then there were the nine Iwa teams, with comparatively unruly hair and scarred knuckles and firm stances. There were six of teams from Taki, too, caramel-skinned with pale eyes, as well as a few from Shimo and Tani, who looked kind of like you'd imagined Genin from Konoha to look like. </p><p>Your gaze met the eight year old's, and tried to look nice. He gave you a distrustful look you probably deserved but hadn't really counted on. He was from Kumo, dark with cropped white hair and large black eyes, a slender blade attached to his waist. </p><p>The boy quickly looked away, barely managing to refrain from taking a step closer to one of his older teammates. </p><p>"I count thirty-six other teams," Kei said, "that makes one hundred and eleven participants in total, including us." </p><p>"Us versus one hundred and eight, yeah," you murmured, and left out,<em> one against one hundred and ten</em>. The worst odds you'd ever been in with this team had been during one of your C-ranks, in which you'd come face to face with a dozen bandits. They'd been hungry and lacked much training: you even suspected one or two might've died from infected wounds after the skirmish. </p><p>These people had experience on the field and were in good condition. </p><p>And there were very many of them. </p><p>Your fingers stretched, the thought of failure set you on edge. Blue eyes gleamed with resolve and a swath of destruction. </p><p>Then you waited. </p><p>And waited. </p><p>And waited. </p><p>And waited. </p><p>"It's got to be on purpose," somebody muttered, the room stirring and some people actually bristling. The room started getting a little cramped when teams began sitting down, which took more space, which fed into the agitation and led to many people loosing any and all focus they'd had when entering. </p><p>It took a total of three hours before five older Kumo-nin appeared up front, dressed in the standard Kumo-gear but with a thin white overcoat over that: proctors. The one in the middle was a thin man with lidded eyes and an unnerving smile, the clear leader. The room went dead quiet, all attention on them. Any argument was forgotten. </p><p>You stood up straight. </p><p>"Welcome," he said, "my name is Marui and I will be heading today's exam. You will each be assigned a room where a task will be waiting for you with additional instructions. The five us of will personally be supervising you to ensure good behavior. Please note that any fighting is strictly prohibited, the moment anybody engages the spike in chakra will alert us and you will be disqualified. There's plenty of time for combat in the later stages of these exams, but not today. Not with me. You will be allowed to start when the lights blink, do not start reading before that."</p><p>Marui leveled everybody with his needling stare. He couldn't possibly have met every single one's gaze, but it felt like he did in just a few short moments. </p><p>One of the other five, a woman with a painfully tight ponytail, stepped forward. She cradled a box in her arms, and even though she was far away you could see the cards in it. </p><p>"Team number one," she called out, and a Taki team stepped up. Iemaru unfolded the slip of paper in his pocket: every team had received one when officially enrolling in the exams by signing a consent form. (Kumo would not be responsible for any deaths or lasting injuries, nor any linger psychological issues etc etc etc, similarly happy things.) You formed team number 19. </p><p>Eventually "nineteen" was called, you retrieved the paper slip which read <em>Room 3F</em> and off you were. Third floor, sixth room from the stairs. You entered, gently shutting the door behind Team Hiroki. </p><p>"It's... not much," Kei noted, pouting with disappointment. She was right. It was a small, rectangular space with beige walls and floors, and no windows. The door was wooden, only a shade lighter than the walls. The only things in the room were a painfully bright light in the center of the roof and a rather thick scroll on the floor beneath it. There was a stubby pencil next to it. </p><p>Maybe it was the knowledge that this would be a brainy test, or at least a subtle one, but your head felt empty. There was nothing in the room to distract you. Claustrophobia had never been an issue, thankfully, but even though there was more than enough space to move around you wanted to blast a hole in the wall just to have something to do. </p><p>Naturally, you did not. </p><p>Another few minutes passed, then the light flickered very decidedly and the test was on. </p><p>Kei opened the scroll, rolling it all the way out. You and Iemaru read along over her shoulder. The task was to decode it and leave the building with it within forty-five minutes. Aside from the few explanatory sentences, the scroll contained numbered sections of clues, cipher and riddles. And a pun, actually. </p><p><em>Absaladely cucumbersome corniness</em>. </p><p>(Takara's puns had been way better, this one was just sad.) </p><p>"There is no clock in the room," you said slowly, "and a quick scan tells me the different tips aren't exactly related to one another. It's not all one big code, at least." </p><p>Iemaru reached out and traced the six lines beneath the explanation of the task. Short, medium short, medium short, incredibly short, short, medium long. His expression was contemplative. </p><p>"I think that's where we're meant to write our answer," Kei stated, pursing her lips. "If only there was a key." </p><p>You sat down on the floor and started studying the scroll. Your eyes fell on a series of riddles in the section numbered 2: these you could solve, probably. Iemaru had already started studying the code in the third section. Kei took it upon herself to scan the top part of the scroll which contained a mashup of different things, including the pun. </p><p>The line you suspected your riddles would clue you in on was medium short. There were five riddles. </p><p>
  <em>First you eat me, then you get eaten. Who am I? </em>
</p><p>You swallowed. What was eaten, and then the eater got eaten? <em>First you eat me, then you get eaten</em>. Think, think, think. Ah- a fishhook. </p><p>
  <em>Which one of thees words is spelled incorrectly? </em>
</p><p>You'd been about to go for the thees, but then did a double take. Thees in itself was a correctly spelled word, even if it didn't necessarily fit into the sentence: incorrectly was spelled incorrectly. Therefore the answer was <em>incorrectly</em>. (But if the end result wouldn't make sense you'd go for thees.) </p><p>
  <em>What is seen in the middle of March and April that can’t be seen at the beginning or end of either month?</em>
</p><p>You skipped that one and moved to the next one. </p><p>
  <em>What disappears as soon as you say its name? </em>
</p><p>At first you felt a spike of nervousness, but then you exhaled slowly. Focused, thought, reasoned. Could practically hear a clock ticking in your head as time passed, even though you knew the room was silent. </p><p><em>Oh</em>. That was the answer. Silence. </p><p>You scanned the final riddle: <em>Until I am measured I am not known, yet how you miss me when I have flown</em>. </p><p>This one you actually knew: it was in one of Akira's ancient books, where many of the characters had come with (now that you think of it) sometimes rather disturbing riddles. This one wasn't too bad, but there were only so many coffins and implications a child should get near. </p><p><em>Time, </em>Deidara stated. </p><p>You went back to the riddle you'd skipped. Something in the middle of March and April that couldn't be seen at the end or the beginning of the month. There were no special festivities you could think of, at least not any notable ones. You went back to check your answers: fishhook, incorrectly, (gap), silence, time. </p><p>A rather short line. </p><p>Would it be the first letter of each word, or some other combination? </p><p>"I think I'm done," Kei stated, and started scribbling something on her line. </p><p>What was in the middle of March and April... Fi st. </p><p>You chuckled: it was so obvious. The letter R was in the middle. How dumb you'd been. </p><p><em>First</em>. </p><p>Either the obvious answer was purposefully correct-sounding, or you'd actually done it. (<em>Incorrectly</em> was right, then.) </p><p>You glanced up at what Kei had written: <em>The</em></p><p>You added your answer as well. <em>The first</em>- </p><p>"How much time do you think has passed?" Kei wondered, and you shrugged. </p><p>"Fifteen minutes, maybe?" </p><p>"I was thinking twenty at most," she murmured, "so we've got some time left." </p><p>Iemaru held his hand out expectantly, and it took you a moment to realize he was asking for the pen. You gave it to him, and he filled in: stage. </p><p><em>The first stage</em>- </p><p>Kei turned the scroll. There was nothing there. She scanned the top part again, then checked the other side. </p><p>"Half is missing," she said incredulously, "where's the rest of it?" </p><p>You sucked in a deep breath. It'd been going too well and everybody knew it. </p><p>"Search for clues in the scroll," you told her, getting up together with Iemaru who seemed to have a similar idea. "We'll search in the room." </p><p>While he started exploring the walls, knocking occasionally and looking at it from all angles and checking the textures, you started surveying the ground. Sometimes you stomped in case there'd be a hollow part, but it yielded no results. Then the two of you scanned the roof together, the light stinging your eyes and not even finding a crack. </p><p>"Nothing here," Kei reported, and everybody explored the room again. </p><p>Approximately twenty minutes left. </p><p><em>Any ideas?</em> You asked Deidara, who was very quiet. He didn't answer at first. </p><p><em>You can't hear anybody from the other rooms, hm</em>, he finally said, <em>either they don't have to search, or...</em></p><p>"The walls are very thick," you said out loud, and your two teammates eyed you. "I mean, when we walked in the corridor the doors weren't <em>that</em> close to each other, but this room is pretty small so the walls, and floors as well most likely, must be really thick, yeah!" </p><p>"You're right," Kei nodded, standing up, dusting off her black and white clothes, and then proceeded to kick the closest wall three times with her not too inconsiderable strength. It didn't even crack, and after a few moments passed it became clear there'd be no answer from the other side. </p><p>Iemaru turned on his heel and reached for the door. </p><p>"Wait, what are you doing?" Kei asked with wide eyes, "what if one of the proctors-" </p><p>"Says the one kicking a wall," you countered, "besides, think of it: Marui said the five of them would personally supervise us. That implies no clones, and considering the amount of teams there are and how many rooms are on a floor, there are five people for maybe ten floors. We just need to be lucky." </p><p>"Or check first," she muttered, and formed the familiar tiger sign with her hands. Your lips curled upward. "I can't sense anybody outside. There are people in the rooms next to us, though." </p><p>The door was unlocked. Iemaru peeked outside, head turning to take in the corridor. Then he retracted his head and carefully closed the door again. His brow was furrowed. </p><p>"Nine other doors," he reported, "two others were peeking outside as well." </p><p>"What teams were next to us when we came here?" Kei asked. </p><p>You racked your brain. "To our right was a Shimo team, to our left a Kumo team. Actually, I don't think anybody had a team from their own village right next to them, yeah." </p><p>"If others are checking sneaking glances outside... If only one had done it, but with Iemaru-kun that makes three..." </p><p>"Everybody only has half of the answer," you realized, and she finished: </p><p>"That means one of the other teams has the other part!" </p><p>Iemaru glanced at the scroll, then faced the door again and seemed to make mental calculations, and pointed toward the wall behind which was the Shimo team. His expression was questioning. You figured. It was a little hard to tell. </p><p>"If the scroll codes are paired two and two by rooms, they know the second half," Kei nodded thoughtfully. </p><p>"No fighting, though," you reminded, "and if we spike our chakra to signal each other, the proctors will come, yeah." </p><p>Iemaru approached the door again, raising an eyebrow at your brunette teammate. She formed the tiger sign again, frowned with a shake of her head, waited for an agonizing twenty seconds, and then nodded at him. </p><p>He opened the door and outright stepped outside. You blinked while Kei closed her eyes, focusing intensely. Iemaru wasn't very tall or colorful, he was stocky and ash-haired with gray clothes, but it'd be impossible to miss him in the creamy corridor. </p><p>He disappeared and you scurried to close the door behind him. Both of you took utmost care not to make a sound. Thank the Rikudou Sennin that the doors didn't creak. </p><p>And then you waited. Less than a minute later he returned, satisfaction crinkling his eyes and a hint of teeth flashing when his mouth twisted like a cut. "Gave them our words, they gave theirs. Fits." </p><p>Kei had relaxed but was watching him. You wondered what the other team you'd just cooperated with was like, and if the other Iwa squads were doing well. If there was much time left. </p><p>Lucky you. Everybody on the team had a good brain. </p><p>Iemaru completed the lines. <em>The first stage is now cleared</em>. </p><p>"Well <em>that's</em> a pretty clear answer, yeah." </p><p>.</p><p>You exited the building together with the Shimo team whom you'd worked together with. They were all thirteen years old. On your way down the stairs, a trio of Tani descended as well with ground jaws and frustration brimming in their eyes. They'd been caught peeking by a proctor. </p><p>You nudged Kei, grinning as you stepped into the sunlight, "you really carried us through this one." </p><p>She flushed, obviously pleased. "Well, I'll be counting on the two of you later on, I'm not the best fighter." </p><p><em>Modesty doesn't suit her, </em>Deidara criticized<em>, even though she's right</em>.  </p><p>"Don't worry," you laughed, breathing in the fresh air, "you're pretty good." </p><p>You could spot Hiroki standing with a few other Jounin from both Iwa and Kumo, the conversation terse but not hostile. The subject turned out to be something not for young ears, because they snickered a little and went quiet when the three of you reached them. </p><p>"You're late," Hiroki settled for, but his features were that special kind of gruff you'd seen before, when he'd treated everybody to mochi after you'd finished a C-rank in forty minutes, "you made me miss lunch." </p><p>Before you could answer, he set down the road toward what you suspected to the the center: despite the layout, it was clearly more crowded that direction, both in terms of buildings and in terms of people. The three of you rushed after him.</p><p>He treated everybody to tempura. </p><p>.</p><p>When you woke up the next morning, it was to Iemaru shaking you rather brusquely. You were about to snap a complaint, but when spotting the strip of light sneaking past the curtain you understood it was better to get up now than snooze and get dragged to your feet by Hiroki. </p><p>On with your usual outfit, double checking the that you had both types of shuriken in your pouch and enough detonating clay in your other one, you fastened those to your hips. The kunai in your holster were sharp, and you attached it to your thigh. </p><p>Washed your face with cold water in the sink and brushed your teeth since you suspected you'd go straight to the Examination Building from the breakfast table. </p><p>Secured your forehead protector around your head. </p><p>Wrapped your toothbrush and toothpaste in a handkerchief and slipped it into the tiny backpack, where there was also a standardized first aid kit, small bag of emergency extra detonating clay, a waterskin and the typical thin travelling blanket you kind of hated but preferred over nothing. </p><p>Then the backpack was full. </p><p>"Alright," you sighed, slinging it over your shoulders and facing your teammates, who had packed similar ones, "ready?" </p><p>.</p><p>There was a new set of proctors, twenty this time around, the leader a fair, blonde woman with red lips named Yugito Nii, and all the remaining teams were brought large training ground: you could see the entire thing since you were standing on the edge of a cliff just above it. There'd been over a hundred people before. Now there couldn't be more than fifty. </p><p>The sun stood high and bright, but the breeze prevented it from being too warm- as always. A dangerous combination. You felt grateful you weren't too pale, because otherwise you'd probably end up getting one of those sneak-burns nobody noticed until it was time to sleep and it'd be impossible to lay down without writhing. </p><p>"The task ahead of you is simple," Yugito spoke in a clear voice, "there is a gate prepared for every individual squad, and you will enter simultaneously from different parts of the grounds. Each squad will also be given one extra headband before they enter. You pass by leaving the grounds from the same gate within a week, but only if all three members have acquired their own additional headband. You will have to take those from other teams. However, take note: if one of the given headbands are destroyed by, for example, a ninjutsu, they automatically trigger a summoning jutsu linked to standby proctors and the entire team of the one who messed up will be held responsible."</p><p>One of the standby proctors waved menacingly. </p><p>There was a ripple of murmurs among the remaining shinobi and kunoichi. So you needed to steal two headbands from other teams and get our through your own gate in order to pass? Your heart sped up with adrenaline, blood warming and thoughts sharpening. </p><p>"Sixteen teams in total, including us," Kei stated tensely, "at best five will pass. That's fifteen out of forty-eight people." </p><p>"They've given us a lot of time, yeah, and it's also easy to get a vantage point anywhere. In the valley there are some giant trees, the slope is one on its own and in the forest between the two there are huge boulders. It's actually doable to make fifteen people pass this." </p><p>You scanned the teams. Three from Iwa, seven from Kumo, two from Taki and one from Shimo and Tani respectively. The eight year old was still there. </p><p>Iemaru cocked his head to the side, eyes like slits as he surveyed the training ground. </p><p>Its edge was marked by a simple fence you didn't doubt was reinforced somehow, the the area itself was a down the mountain: still sloping downwards but encompassing part of the valley, through which a river snaked between the verdant trees like a ribbon. The valley was down to your left, and green mess, and to your right was the more familiar, rocky landscape of the mountain side. </p><p><em>We'd be at an advantage there, hm, but I bet the Kumo teams will also go there for similar reasons</em>, Deidara stated, echoing your own sentiments, <em>and even though we might be an ideal team for this task and stronger than most teams, I wouldn't want to meet Taki-nin in that valley</em>. </p><p><em>And if we engage a Kumo team and an other Kumo team is nearby, chances are they'll band together to defeat us first, yeah. Afterward they can sort out the details about who gets the headband, but loyalty comes first</em>, you mused, sucking in a deep breath. </p><p>"Where should we go?" Kei wondered, and you hoped she'd mastered sensory mode enough for it not to be chakra-draining. </p><p>"The middle will be a mess the first few days," you guessed, surveying the spot in the middle: it was an uneven, hilly part with trees and rocks, right before the ground evened out into the valley. It was impossible to see the fence on the other side, but judging by its mildly circular curve and the layout it was still reasonable to estimate the center of the grounds. </p><p>"Not too high up," Iemaru said with a meaningful glance in the direction of a cluster of Kumo-nin, "but still rocky." </p><p>It seemed reasonable. </p><p>You were led to your assigned gate, which took a full twenty minutes to reach. Kei said something about finding food and water. You thought about the obvious water supply, the river, and the Taki-nin who would be lurking there. </p><p><em>Mountain springs would be nice, please</em>. </p><p>A slow exhale.</p><p>Your gate led into a steep slope, but it'd only take about two hours or so to get to Iemaru's compromise-terrain.</p><p>A moment of too hot rays when the breeze quieted down, and then it was back. Iemaru better not go lobster on you. </p><p>You craned your neck, squinting at the next gate, far above. You could make out a Kumo team. They'd grown up on this terrain. You spied at the gate on your other side: Kumo-nin as well. You were fairly certain one of them was looking back. </p><p>They'd probably be hiking upwards, and you'd be descending a little, which meant collision was a real possibility. </p><p>Your chakra sizzled and shuddered. </p><p>Iemaru cracked his neck. As the one with the best defense, he carried the additional headband with him in his shuriken pouch. </p><p>You felt like a slingshot pulled taut. </p><p>The wind was rustling in the bushes. The sun stood high. </p><p>It was almost lunch time. </p><p>The gates opened. </p><p>Team Hiroki entered the exam. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>(Land of) Fire - Konoha(gakure no Sato)<br/>Earth - Iwa<br/>Water - Kiri<br/>Lightning - Kumo<br/>Wind - Suna<br/>Hot Water - Yuu<br/>Rivers - Tani<br/>Frost - Shimo<br/>Waterfall - Taki<br/>Grass - Kusa<br/>Rain - Ame<br/>Rice Paddies - Oto<br/>Stone - Ishi</p><p>I figured it wouldn't be a stretch for some of the first exams to actually want their ninja to not just be sneaky but also somewhat smart.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Second Stage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know all Villages have fundamentally different outlooks and views, but I think Iwa and Konoha have two of the most opposing mentalities (barring maybe Kiri when it was still Bloody compared to Konoha, but that Kiri is like... um...) Iwa definitely has the more head-on smash approach.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The fresh air filling your lungs was crisp and cool, wind clawing through your hair and chakra thrumming on the soles of your feet to avoid slipping while descending the earthy slant, pebbles gliding down every now and then at the impact of your feet. </p><p>Soon, the tufts of weeds went from occasional to common and the slope went from tricky to much more manageable. You applied less chakra to your feet in order to preserve it now that the danger of falling had decreased: if you slowed down you'd be able to stop using any chakra at all since it wasn't an impossible angle, even for a civilian, but at this speed you'd rather be safe than sorry. A glance up to the Kumo team further up the mountain told you they were running alongside you, the size of matches from the distance. A look at the Kumo team below told you the same story. </p><p>"They'd been smaller at the gates," Kei said, shuddering, "they're slowly cutting us off, aren't they?" </p><p>You checked again. She was right. They'd slowly been getting closer the past half an hour. There was no way you'd make it to the tree line, which had seemed like a good place to prowl since they didn't grow close together and weren't strong enough nor had big canopies for people (Chuunin-hopefuls) to hide in. Much like Iwa. At least, no way of getting there without turning abruptly left and running head-first into the team down the slope. </p><p>"Yeah," you breathed, feeling a fight coming in your very bones, "they are." </p><p>"So we're already hunted," she sighed, not even bothering to go into sensory mode. "We should've figured before. Otherwise we'd have lost sight of them by now." </p><p>"At least they can't really hide in this landscape," you offered, jumping over a low, thorny bush, "we'll know where they are, yeah. At the pace they're closing in they'll tire us out and take advantage of their numbers late afternoon." </p><p>"And we'll lose because that's terrain, numbers and ninjutsu they've got on us. Earth is weak against lightening," she complained, eyebrows drawing together, "and if they know ninjutsu it's most likely lightning." </p><p>"So we don't do that, yeah," you stated: not quite excited, not quite impatient, but somewhere dangerous right between the two. </p><p>You glanced back at Iemaru, who ran last. He was mulling something over. </p><p>Finally, he decided: "We attack. Formation four, clone diversions." </p><p>Energy buzzed beneath your skin like static, a sense of eagerness threatening to spread. </p><p>Team Hiroki turned a sharp left and started sprinting down the mountain side, every bounding step like a drum in your head. You weaved the signs to create a clone of yourself, the simple standard clone, and moments later it appeared and started running along the mountainside like you'd used to do. Copies of Kei and Iemaru ran alongside it. </p><p>You pushed your muscles with chakra, seeing the Kumo team growing bigger and feeling your fingertips tingle. You needed to put as much distance between yourselves and the upper Kumo team before they noticed they were following clones, which were running at the normal speed you'd maintained before and were therefore closer, more visible for the enemy above. </p><p>The bushes on the ground became more frequent. The landscape blurred around you, the air cold cold cold with speed despite the harsh sun. The Kumo team you were now hunting slowed, realizing that while there were three Iwa-nin running above them, there were also three shadows whooshing down the mountain right toward them. </p><p>It wasn't difficult to put two and two together. </p><p>The Kumo team above was still running ahead, growing smaller. </p><p>Less than a minute until collision if they didn't flee. They did not. Instead they spiked their chakra as a flare, signaling the other team. That team slowed for a moment, assessing and puzzling the pieces together. </p><p>"Hurry," Kei called out, which you translated to the other Kumo setting after you. </p><p>You kept your eyes on the target and pushed yourself harder, eyes watering at the speed. </p><p>The target had started running, not quite as fast as you but fast enough to make catching up an exhausting task. Something petty, like irritation, sparked inside. Your fingers stretched. </p><p>Your feet hit the ground harder, faster, thumping along with your heartbeat.</p><p>You needed a dose of fear, a dose or caution, but the more you tried to dredge that up the more something deep inside you started uncoiling and gearing up, restless in its anticipation. </p><p>So you just shoved that part into your subconscious. </p><p>Deidara was on edge. You could feel it. A bubbling, shifty kind of on edge which mirrored the side of yourself you were trying to control. </p><p>The air wasn't as thin anymore. </p><p>The targets jumped over one of the many low bushes, and one must've caught their pants on a thorn because when paired with their speed, he lost his balance and fell. His teammates rushed back up to drag him to his feet, and you realized the eight year old boy was among them. </p><p>There was a five second chance to catch up: somebody needed to jump at them. </p><p><em>You're the team's offense, moron</em>, Deidara shouted, and you focused your chakra into your left foot and the next time you landed on it, you sunk deeply through your knee and kicked off. You flew into the air, a surreal moment of freedom and weightlessness. </p><p>Then you catapulted down right towards them, a kunai in your right hand and a tightly clenched ball of charging detonating clay in your left, the white clump absorbing your chakra with ease. </p><p>There was a stretching feeling along your lips, and you realized you were grinning. </p><p>There was the boy who'd fallen, a blonde girl and the now terrified eight year old. </p><p>Collision.  </p><p>Your kunai clanged against the girl's kunai and the fallen boy leaped away, hands coming up to make hand signs for ninjutsu. You threw your clay and it fell at his feet when he landed, though you then vaulted away when the little boy swung at you with his blade. Your hands went <em>snake, dog, ram</em>, a sharp exhale and the ground at the ninjutsu-weaving boy's feet went BOOM just before he could finish his jutsu. </p><p>He went flying, stumbling when he hit the ground but staying on his feet. He didn't place any weight on the leg which'd been closest to the explosion anymore. The material of his pants were ripped, sticking to his burned skin with a dark stain spreading. </p><p>You landed, Kei and Iemaru catching up. </p><p>"Oops," you told the wounded boy when blood started trickling to the ground to form a puddle, your irises glowing blue bands around your pupils and teeth bared. </p><p>"Fucking Iwa-scum," he snarled, and then you attacked again. You had three minutes to finish this fight, get the headband and scram to maintain a safe distance from the other Kumo team, which was currently gaining fast. </p><p>Kei and Iemaru teamed up against the wounded boy and the little boy, leaving you to take care of the girl who was probably the best remaining fighter on their team now that the ninjutsu-user was wounded. She threw her kunai at you, which you sidestepped. Your hand dug into your clay and started infusing it before you'd even fully retracted from your pouch. </p><p>Her eyes narrowed with recognition, taking a step back while weaving hand signs: you recognized horse and ox, both of which were common in genjutsu. </p><p>You leaped toward her, subtly pressing the clay into two separate balls in your hand. She dodged your first knee, but hadn't been quick enough to avoid your immediate follow-up kick coming which struck her in the side. </p><p>She wheezed, eyed widening with surprise as she staggered back, genjutsu falling apart before it'd been cast. </p><p><em>Blow her up, hm</em>, Deidara said, but you didn't do that since that'd mean you might accidentally harm the headband if she was the one carrying it. You did throw one of the clay halves, though, and as expected she instantly jumped away . </p><p>You flung the other half, speeding through the hand signs. She couldn't dodge in the air, but still tried to twist away. </p><p>"Hah," you breathed, and the two pieces of clay exploded into heat and color and sound and she went spinning in the air, falling harshly on her back with a pained wheeze. Cheerfully, you remarked: "So much for that ambush, yeah." </p><p>She was getting up, but you swung your leg up and brought a chakra-braced heel down harshly on the top of her head. She crumpled, knocked out.</p><p><em>If she's in the exams but this bad at close range</em>, you started privately, <em>I think it's good she never got to cast her genjutsu, yeah</em>. </p><p><em>It was almost too easy</em>, Deidara answered, and you -to be safe- disrupted the flow of chakra in case it'd all been a genjutsu. Nothing changed: it'd all been real. You twisted around, feet planted firmly apart and arms up and ready to defend or attack. Kei had already immobilized the young boy, pinning him to the ground and cheek bleeding from where he'd nicked her with his sword. Iemaru did the older one in with a well-aimed kick right to his bleeding leg, making him collapse and easy to knock out. Iemaru then approached the last conscious Kumo-nin.</p><p>The little boy sniffed once, bravely, probably getting dust in his nose in the process. </p><p>Then he was knocked out as well. </p><p>"Rig the site," Kei told you while she and Iemaru started digging through the pockets of the defeated. You dug into your clay pouch, shooting the incoming Kumo-nin a glance. They were halfway already, once again the size of matches. Close enough for them to be suspicious if they saw you digging around, which they would if you tried to bury any bombs. That was a no-go then. </p><p>Eyes squinted and heart still racing in your ears, you kneaded the clay in your hands while infusing it. </p><p>There were plenty of bushes, and the enemy was still far up enough to not see you throw small white clumps if you did it casually enough. You quickly divided the clay into five small pieces, flicking them into the bushes a little further up. </p><p>"Done," you called out, cracking your fingers and entirely too energized. </p><p>"No headband here," Kei called out, rising from the little boy's side and hurrying over to the Kumo kunoichi. She didn't make it there before Iemaru had found the headband hidden in the inner pockets of the bleeding boy's jacket. It was identical to the one Team Hiroki had: a white cloth with a simple piece of metal on it, engraved with the cautionary signs of a summoning jutsu. </p><p>He handed it to Kei, which irked you since you were an obviously better fighter and had actually deserved it. </p><p><em>It's because she's more experienced than you and has more places to hide it</em>, you tried to tell yourself, and knew it was right. That didn't help your jaw unclench. </p><p><em>Petty, hm</em>, Deidara smirked and you hated it. <em>Very mature</em>. </p><p>"Let's go," Kei chimed, and bounded off with Iemaru on her heels. You gave the approaching enemy one last look, emotions swirling and chakra buzzing, and then ran after your teammates. The tempo was far from as fast as before, barely every relying on chakra, and when Kei was pretending to suppress a limp it was with new reluctance you had to admit it was a smart move which justified the pace. You were still moving in a straight line down the by now gentler, weedier slope, meaning the gaining Kumo-nin were going to pass their comrades whether they'd planned it or not. </p><p>Feet hit the ground as time passed. Every now and then, you glanced over your shoulder, clinging onto the feel of your chakra in the distant clay like you'd done when you were an absolute beginner. You already knew that despite being loaded with chakra, the explosions would be weakened by distance and inexperience. <em>Dammit</em>. </p><p>The tree line wasn't a distant green edge anymore, seen from above in the form of canopies. It was still downhill, but you were starting to make out the trunks now, the bushes around you much higher and coarse grass peeking between the rocks. Occasional flowers danced in the wind when you flew past. </p><p>The Kumo-nin had come close to the bodies of their defeated friends. You breathed out carefully, waited a little more, inhaled slowly and built up your chakra until it was like a razor's edge in its potency, and then: snake, dog, ram and a sudden snap of chakra with a sharp exhale. </p><p>A distant rumble as you blew up the part above the battlefield, clouds of dust rising up. </p><p>.</p><p>You stopped at one of the first trees you encountered, still far up enough from the forest to not feel as though some Taki-nin were hiding among the branches. You'd never really thought much about ninja from Takigakure, but you'd passed through Waterfall and seen the almost claustrophobic close-growing vegetation with vines and creeping plants and tall, tall trees with branches that probably merged with the neighboring tree's and the green-blanketed ground and rivers. Being sneaky in that environment required skill. </p><p>Thus your unwillingness to head into a thick forest with winding trees and rivers and oddly filtered light. It wasn't like the forest you'd experienced in Shimo or the south of Earth: this forest may not be a rainforest, but it reminded you of Waterfall to an unsettling degree. </p><p>At least you weren't followed anymore. </p><p>"We're still very far out, away from the center," Kei spoke up, pointing diagonally into the forest. "We'll find more teams that direction."</p><p>"Now we rest," Iemaru said, sticking to the shade beneath the (rather sad) tree, then took a last sip from his waterskin before hiding it away in his bag again. Yours was much lighter now compared to before as well. </p><p>You were sprawled on the ground in front of him, the leaves rustling above you and casting uneven shadows. You were the only one missing a headband even though you'd contributed most so far. </p><p><em>As I said, <strong>petty</strong>, hm,</em> Deidara snickered, <em>why don't you face them about it</em>- </p><p><em>Can it</em>. </p><p>But childish scorn, even if only a phantom of it, was settling inside. You swallowed and turned to your side, shutting your eyes tightly and trying to get some rest. It never fully swept you away, but you did find yourself being rocked in that undefined place between consciousness and sleep, mind a haze and the sound of birds and rustling leaves lulling you. The stony ground dug into your skin, dust getting everywhere when the breeze whispered past. </p><p>Eventually, perhaps half an hour later, you forced yourself to get to your feet again. It felt like your head was wrapped with gauze and you had to jump up and down a few times to clear it all away, drowsiness lingering. Your chakra was mostly replenished and your muscles felt lean and soft, ready for anything. Iemaru was awake as well, stretching in the shade of the tree, while Kei snored lightly a few steps away. </p><p>You nudged her with your foot, and after a sleepy grunt she stood up. Her dark brown hair was a tousled and dusty but, with a single shake of her head, fell back to frame her face in its usual sleek bob. Her black and white clothes didn't even look particularly rumpled. </p><p>She grinned, a white flash of teeth. "Everybody good?"</p><p>"Yeah," you bobbed your head while Iemaru nodded, standing up straight. "Do we look for a place to set up camp?"</p><p>"As long as it's deeper into the training ground," Kei maintained, and Team Hiroki once again set off. Three young Iwa-nin racing along the mountainside with only one headband to go, one with a smile, one stoic and the third with hellishly glittering eyes. </p><p>The sun slowly sunk from its highest peak to a golden afternoon light, shadows stretching longer as though fleeing from it, twisting grasping claws. </p><p>
  <em>This is surprisingly boring, hm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Don't say that. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's true, though. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, what, you'd much rather have a couple of days of pure battle, yeah? Don't be stupid. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You like fighting as well-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You're missing the point, idiot. </em>
</p><p><em>Hypocrite</em>- </p><p><em>Just- not now, yeah</em>.</p><p>Deidara didn't answer but you could feel his mirth like a needle in your neck. </p><p>You surveyed your surroundings: gray and brown rock dotted with matte bushes and tufts of coarse grass. Even though you weren't experienced at it, you attempted to enhance your sight with chakra. You were moderately successful, able to spot a falcon taking off far up ahead and the colors no longer as hazy. You could hear Kei and Iemaru behind you: there was a rotation system to who ran first, to always allow the middle one to get some degree of mental rest for a period of time. Within half an hour you were going to take the rear instead. </p><p>It almost felt serene. </p><p>Then you gaze fell on a cluster of bushes, topped by a small tree. Years of climbing the mountains embracing Iwa told you it was a small spring: the bushes were just a brush fuller, the stony ground around it had just a tad more grass and then there was that dainty little tree, which probably clung to a rock right beside the waterhole. It was just far enough away from the tree line to give you an advantage, but not so far up that it was anything noteworthy to those who hadn't grown up in the mountains. </p><p>As an added bonus, it was deeper into the training ground. </p><p>"What about that place?" </p><p>You pointed toward it and waited for an answer. Kei was probably focusing all of her limited sensory skills on that place. Then the older girl stated: "All clear! We'll camp there tonight."</p><p>Team Hiroki changed course, now running slightly up the mountain instead of parallel to the forest. You had to squint in the face of the setting sun, lashes tangling and skin creasing. </p><p>You throat felt kind of dry, and hoped it'd be a nice spring awaiting you. You weren't disappointed. Clear water gurgled from between two rocks, spilling into a small pool. The grass was soft and green, the bushes thorny and thick, the tree providing actual shade- not that it was needed, now that the temperature was steadily dropping together with the sun. The sky was colored pink and orange, the clouds rimmed with color but otherwise like white patches that had been forgotten to be filled in. The breeze was no longer a blessing, now making you shiver cooling down from your running. </p><p>Washing your hands in the spring was a cold experience, after which you didn't mind drinking the lukewarm, slightly too mineral-rich water from your waterskin. You'd rather have that flowing through you than ice. </p><p>The spring would probably be nice tomorrow, though, assuming Team Hiroki hadn't moved on before it got hot again. Iemaru had a sunburn stretching across the bridge of his nose to his cheeks, ears tipped pink as well. </p><p>"How did you not notice earlier today?" Kei wondered out loud, placing a green-glowing hand upon his face, "jeez, your skin is really burning!" </p><p>After a while of healing she stopped, pouting at the sight of his still rather rosy face. "It's better, but man, I'm not used to healing sunburns! Or any burns for that matter. Hope there aren't Fire Style users around here, haha! Err... do you think there are any?" </p><p>"Not many, at least," you figured, refilling your waterskin and forcing the cold water down your throat, "Fire style is only common in Konoha. Some in Suna have it, too, but neither of those Villages participate in our exams." </p><p>"Hmm," Kei mulled it over while Iemaru started prodding at his own face, "ahh, that'll hurt tomorrow if you get burned again!" </p><p>He shot her such an unamused look it made you snicker. </p><p>Nobody had any way of protecting themselves from the sun, and as Iemaru was the palest -especially compared to the gold of your skin and the mocha of Kei's- he was going to keep on roasting every day it was good weather. </p><p>"That's not a very sunny expression," you grinned, eyes slanting. His leg jerked out and you bit back a yelp when his foot dug into your thigh. You suspected that the weird twitch going on with his face was him scowling, though it pulled too much at his burns to properly form. </p><p>Kei laughed. </p><p>By the time you'd eaten -dried fruit and strips of meat, all of it tough to chew on- the sun was gone and its afterglow was a deep amber halo around the spikes of mountains. Iemaru was rolled up and fast sleep while Kei was still making herself comfortable. You had the first watch. You suspected they'd given it to you because you were the youngest, though neither would never admit to that. </p><p>Little grains of comfort. </p><p>"I thought the Land of Lightning mountains were even more different," you admitted out loud, seated on top of the stone at the clear water, "more... sudden, yeah? I heard they were all like the more comb-shaped ones we saw before near Kumo." </p><p>"Most are, probably," Kei yawned, "at least near the sea. We're deeper into the mainland, so they're at least somewhat unified. Is unified the right word? I think so, at least- well, you get it." </p><p>"The sea," you imagined its vastness, the waves and colors and moods, "yeah. I guess that makes sense." </p><p>"What's with you and sightseeing, anyway?" There was no accusation in her voice, the words light and curious. "It always looks like you're trying to carve the images into your head." </p><p>"I don't want to forget them, yeah, of course I try to memorize them. But the details always go fuzzy in the end. The most beautiful thing I ever saw was the sight of Land of Rain, we were- near its border." </p><p>You didn't continue that train of thought. The tall, rich green grass, so intensely green, glistening with water droplets and scattered with tiny white flowers, set against the iron gray clouds, sunlight filtering through like drapes, the handful of birch trees dotting the landscape. </p><p>Then the rain had started falling. </p><p>And so had Takara. </p><p>He hadn't been strong enough. </p><p>You supposed it was a poetic reflection of the world: the fun and laughs were what disappeared first. </p><p>
  <em>Such a trivial thought. </em>
</p><p><em>I wasn't the one thinking it, hm</em>. </p><p>
  <em>Is there anything you want to see? </em>
</p><p>There was no answer, but you could feel Deidara thinking and though he didn't seem to come to a conclusion, images of his thoughts brushed against your conscience: crackling fires in the dark of night, bathing its surroundings in orange and reflecting in the water of a lake, a cloudless day of soaring high in the skies and seeing the world stretch out far below, the death of your Academy teacher. </p><p><em>Now <strong>that's</strong> a petty grudge, yeah</em>, you pointed out,<em> <strong>hypocrite</strong></em>. </p><p>"I don't think I've never been close to Ame or the Rain," Kei spoke up after mulling it over, "I've gone on patrol missions near the Land of Grass, but that's as close as I've gotten. The Land of Grass seemed nice, though, the forests were much greener than the forest in the south of Earth- and lusher. And when we passed through on our way here the meadows just stretched and stretched, there were barely even any hills. Don't you think farming there must be easy? No wonder the smaller countries still exist, they can feed themselves so well." </p><p>"I guess," you agreed, the amber fading away behind you and leaving the awkward halfmoon to shine down. There were spots on the sky where the stars didn't twinkle, indicating the position of the clouds that hid them. "Is-" </p><p>You stopped yourself, realizing Kei should probably get some rest since she was taking the second watch. On top of that, you didn't care either way if there was any place she wanted to go to or see, and her voice was a little bit annoying. </p><p>It'd have been a useless question. </p><p>"Huh?" Kei wondered. </p><p>"Is it difficult for you to fall asleep?" You teased, squinting at her. She chuckled at that, shaking her head in the dark. Then she went quiet, her breathing light in the night. </p><p>You pulled your thin blanket closer around you, the wind cold against your cheeks but in a good way, keeping you awake. It felt as though the heat of the day which had seeped into your core was slowly being coaxed away again. Cleansing. </p><p>It would get cold at night in the Iwa mountains as well: the difference wouldn't be quite as striking, but there was definitely a difference nonetheless. Hopefully those Taki-nin couldn't take the change is temperature as well as you could. </p><p>It could get cold by rivers. </p><p>.</p><p>The Shimo-nin attacked before daybreak.</p><p>Iemaru had kicked you harshly to wake you up, just in time for you to roll over to the spring to splash your face with water before getting to your feet, fastening the pouch and holster which you'd taken off to sleep comfortably. The sky was heavy with low, misty clouds which skirted not far above your heads, the gray morning light seeping through just enough for it not being a pain to see but still not quite enough to make out defining features. </p><p>It was still easy to see the glint of the kunai, though, when it flashed far too close to your neck in a swift thrust, drawing a thin line of blood. The wound stung, the trickling blood thick and warm against your skin, contrasting against the moist chill in the air. </p><p>The wind was strong and salty. </p><p>You'd fallen for a substitution so you supposed you deserved the wound, but your blood still pumped faster with anger and adrenaline, egging you on. Whispering ugly things. </p><p>You knocked the assaulter back, leaping after the boy -a year older, wide eyed, full of history and life like anybody else- and knocking the kunai from his hand when he swung a second time, grabbing ahold of his arm which he'd left open due to his wide swing, twisting it back while kicking his feet away from underneath him. In the blink of an eye, he was pinned down on the ground with you standing on top of him, holding his arm straight up and applying just enough pressure to threaten to break it by bending his elbow the wrong way. </p><p>"That was a kill shot you went for," you frowned down at him, the blood from your cut reaching your shirt and making it stick to your collarbone, "you're a nasty one, yeah."</p><p>As expected, he twisted his free left arm to try to grab ahold of your ankles, but you stomped down on his wrist and felt it break beneath your foot. He screamed, tears forming. </p><p>"Why'd you attack me if you're gonna cry?" </p><p>"I d-d-don't, I don't- I-I don't-" he started, every word punctuated by a pant, "I don't-" </p><p>You tightened your grip on the arm you held hostage, pushing it a little closer to its breaking point. "What?" </p><p>He whimpered, "I don't-" </p><p>You snapped his arm, broken bone protruding from the skin of his elbow pit and now bent all wrong. You cringed at his scream, loud and harsh in your ears, dropping his arm which fell limply to the stony ground, eliciting another wail, the earth soaking up the blood. </p><p>You squatted next to him, on guard but still curious, indignant, restless. "I didn't go for a kill shot, you know. Why'd you try to kill me?" </p><p>His lips moved, eyes opened wide with hysteria and breathing shallow, harsh, making it difficult to make out his fervent whispers: "-n't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I don't want to die I do- </p><p>"It's not necessarily kill or be killed right now," you informed him, cocking your head to the side and smiling down at him, gripping your kunai tighter with burning cinders igniting within you, "and you tried to kill me, yeah. Is it because I'm an Iwa-nin?" </p><p>"Please I don't-" </p><p>You leaned closer to him, mouth tugging wider to bare teeth. A grin. "When you go for the kill, make sure you don't fail, yeah."</p><p>This boy -white hair, brown eyes, hands calloused from years of training, shirt mended many times over by a family member, a plea on his lips- had tried to kill you. The Kumo team from yesterday had tried to beat you, yes, but they hadn't tried to open your throat. </p><p>He had. </p><p>You slit his throat instead. The blade cut through the tender skin like butter, but he didn't die right away, gurgling and choking on his own blood under your cold blue eyes and vindictively curled lips, coughing and spluttering with blood blooming all around his neck, every breath impossible and making more red trickle from his lips. It gathered in the folds of his ears. </p><p>"You're an asshole," you told him, standing up and rejoining your teammates a little further up. The Academy had never taught you that people emptied themselves in death, but you were starting to learn. Quickly. </p><p>The piss was nasty. </p><p>The shit was much worse. </p><p>
  <em>I wonder what happens to teams with one man down, hm. Can they still win, too?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dunno. Well, on second thought, I doubt it. </em>
</p><p>The outcome of the battle wasn't quite as good as the outcome of your Kumo fight: the two others fled quickly, disappearing into the fog. You were unable to pursue since your sensory ninja had dislocated her knee: Kei had popped it back in and was doing her best to heal it, but so far wasn't able to fully reverse the damage. Her nerves were still on fire and though the swelling had gone down significantly, it was still in danger of dislocating again. </p><p>It was getting more and more cloudy, the sky a milky soup whose tendrils now touched down to your camp. If you went a few step higher you'd be able to laugh, <em>my head is in the clouds</em>, which was very tempting. </p><p>But you didn't do it. </p><p>Iemaru was glaring into the fog, muscly arms crossed and gray hair dancing in the wind. </p><p>"You won't get a sunburn today, at least," Kei remarked, starting to splint her leg. You tried not to growl with frustration: this was going to make things much more difficult. </p><p>Minutes passed, the mist constantly sinking lower until Kei, who sat the furthest away from you, started looking watered down. You sucked in a deep breath, reluctantly proposing:</p><p>"We should probably get back to the tree line and hope the clouds don't sink that low today, which they probably won't. It's either that or getting above the clouds, which requires speed and climbing, yeah." </p><p>You glanced meaningfully at Kei's now splinted leg. </p><p>Your cut stung, but the bleeding had practically stopped. She'd need her chakra for numbing her pain in order to at least be able to walk fast. Running wasn't an option. No healing session for you. Iemaru was unscathed, though that didn't surprise you. </p><p>"Lucky," he said after a moment, turning his stony gaze to the two of you and jabbing a thumb up to the wall of mist. "There are no Kiri-nin in this exam." </p><p>"Yeah," you laughed, scratching the back of your neck, "no crazy killers. Actually, on the topic of... there's a guy we should bury." </p><p>He went with you back to the Shimo-nin who'd tried to kill you. You winced at the stench when you had to go turn him over to search his (thankfully clean) shuriken pouch while Iemaru checked his holster and the pocket of his hoodie. No headband. </p><p>"Too bad," you shook your head, unsurprised and more relieved that disappointed since you finally got to step away from him. Iemaru gave the broken wrist and arm an apathetic look before bringing his hands up to form hand signs. He then slammed his palms to the earth. </p><p>The ground beneath the Shimo-nin opened up in a perfect rectangle, waist-deep. The earth pushed up by the jutsu to make room for the hole gathered on the two sides, easy for you and your teammate to push back down and cover the body. It wasn't anything fancy, but at least he could rejoin the foundation of all quickly.  </p><p>That was all anybody could ask for. </p><p>Iemaru's eyes lingered on your glaring cut once it was all done, and for a second you almost thought he was smiling. </p><p>Something shifted inside, churning and uncomfortable as you thought about the boy far below. </p><p>"The last things he felt was cold and wet and gray," you noted while the two of you started walking again, "kind of lifeless if you ask me, yeah. Not that you asked me." </p><p>He didn't answer. The lines on your forehead smoothed out when you reached your conclusion. </p><p>"It's better for people to die in a warm, dry, lively place, quickly and with impressions, yeah. Not quietly, pissing their pants. I think his teammates are only just now realizing he might be dead, not just slow or captured. That's kinda sad, yeah." </p><p>.</p><p>There was something special about surviving. It was different from living, more basic, carnal, all about a small cell sticking together with blades in their hands and eyes, with nobody to rely on but themselves. No adults, no supervision, no boundaries, no aid, no society, no repercussions, only surviving and winning. </p><p>It could be as terrifying as it could be liberating. </p><p>.</p><p>On the fourth day of the exam, Kei could jog for extended period of time and even attempt occasional fast maneuvers, though her chakra wobbled toward depletion due to the many healing sessions it had required and her inexperience. Your cut had finally scabbed properly after repeatedly reopening at the edges at sudden movements, the skin around it pulled taut as if reminding you not to let your guard down until you knew for certain the opponent was gone. </p><p>You'd relaxed the moment your shuriken had struck the Shimo-nin: that had been why you'd been caught by surprise when it turned out to be a substitution. (The sudden glint of a kunai, right at your neck out of what felt like nowhere, a moment of blaring alarm.)</p><p>"Then we go," Iemaru decided, standing up and stretching. You swallowed the last of your lunch: more rations, which none of you had tried to save to make them last. You were getting out of here today or tomorrow. Hunting animals meant making a fire, which meant smoke. </p><p>The plan was simple: lure in the enemy, take the headband and get out. </p><p>The luring in part was most difficult, forcing you to leave the comfort of the rocky tree line, where there was plenty of space between each trunk, and delve a little deeper into the forest. Still more stones than bushes, still with the cloudy sky peeking through, but the trees were definitely growing closer together. You didn't like it very much, especially since you were playing bait. Kei and Iemaru were hidden in the foliage <em>somewhere</em> above you: Kei needed to sense the attackers which meant she couldn't be the bait and Iemaru couldn't act if his life depended on it. That, and he apparently didn't look as nice as you did. </p><p>Nice the way a bunny looked nice, not the way a kunoichi looked nice. </p><p>During the first moments, maybe even a minute depending on the situation, of the attack you'd be on your own: every single one of the other team had to be near you. It went against your instincts to walk around barehanded and with only a nervously fluctuating chakra, as if not able to suppress it better. Sure, you were only a Genin and no expert at hiding your chakra signature, but you weren't a lost cause. </p><p>"Guys?" You called out, a quiet hiss as you craned your neck to peer around you. "Guys? Where are you?" </p><p>Somewhere above, you knew, but did not cast any of your sweeping looks upward. <em>I'm a lost idiot girl, I'm a lost idiot girl, I'm a lost idiot girl</em>. When a dove flew up from a bush, wings flapping, you took the opportunity to draw a kunai with a look of panic which quickly melted off again. </p><p>A girl of ten years, hair long and golden and starting to get greasy, smudged elbows and knees, clenching her kunai with both hands and calling out for the teammates she'd been separated from. </p><p>And, as a small detail, now had her headband tied around her waist where its Village symbol wouldn't be as discernible to anybody planning to attack since you were gripping your kunai in front of it. </p><p>"Guys?" </p><p>When said attack finally did come, you were relieved. Stumbling around, your rough chakra heating up with anticipation and not knowing where the enemy was going to come from when they inevitably appeared, was awful. You swatted the volley of shuriken out of the air with your blade, taking on a beginner's stance you hoped wasn't too obvious to get them to come close.</p><p>You wanted to get better and excel at long range fighting. </p><p>But your natural inclination remained close combat. </p><p>Only two came at you, though: a boy and a girl from the Land of Rivers, the former with a short sword and the latter with knuckle brass. Kei would have to find the third member quickly. </p><p>You met the boy's blade with your kunai, but he clearly knew how to use it because instead of spending time on a battle of strength he slid his blade along yours, angling it so that it sped right towards your shoulder. You jumped back, twisting midair to avoid the girl's metal-covered punch to the face, feet barely touching the ground before you had to jump again to avoid getting your toes sliced off. You threw your kunai at the girl, who simply skipped to the side, but it gave you time enough to land properly this time with chakra buzzing through you: you jumped back up again, high enough to have the time to dig into your pouch and retrieve four standard shuriken and throw them at the duo of Tani-nin. </p><p>The girl dodged. The boy deflected them with his sword. </p><p>Your lips twitched. </p><p>You were forced to leap and weave through their combination attacks before finally getting enough distance to throw a second volley of shuriken: among them were two chakra-absorbing ones, thrumming with the static restlessness of your energy as they whirred through the air. </p><p>The girl side-stepped the normal ones, letting them speed harmlessly past. The boy brought his sword up. Your hands flashed through the familiar <em>snake, dog, ram</em>, tugging the chakra inward at ram: the two shuriken exploded, pushing him to the ground with a bleeding jaw and burnt, reddened flesh on his right arm.</p><p>You charged at the boy, ducking under his measly attempt at a swing: his grip was slippery and the control was gone. Your punch struck him right in the stomach, sinking into the muscles and almost folding him double with impact alone. His sword fell to the ground, a cough of what you hoped was blood and not puke splattering against the back of your shirt. </p><p>He stumbled back, but before he'd even fallen over you'd struck the side of his neck, promptly knocking him out. </p><p>The girl's fist struck your side, sudden and violent: you could feel at least two ribs break, the sound echoing in your skull. Pain shot through your body like a blaring alarm. Every breath was fire in your side. </p><p>You ground your jaw, correcting your fall in the air and pushing off the ground with your hands, swinging your right leg up and making her jump back to avoid a foot to the chin. You got to your feet again, digging a hand into your pouch and retracting it with a ball of clay in your hand, molding your aggravated chakra into it while dodging the girl's quick punches which didn't leave much room for multitasking. </p><p>It took longer than what you'd have liked and there was definitely wasted chakra, but finally you were able to dance far enough out of reach to throw the white ball right at her and have time to blur through the hand signs before it made contact: snake and dog were a little off due to the haste, but there was definitely spice in the ram sign (which'd always felt best anyway). </p><p>A sharp exhale. </p><p>A blast of fire, light and sound. </p><p>She'd started twisting away, but the clay had been close enough to brush against her ribs which shattered at the impact, shirt in tatters and blood spraying in the air. This time it was her side that became a mangled mess, and the jarring impact and pain -her lung was probably pierced- of hitting the ground knocked her out, her breathing shallow and strained. </p><p>Your eyes lingered on the wound, <em>red and white and flesh and bones and blood and her exposed lungs drawing a last breath</em>, but then snapped to the side: something in your peripheral moved. A shadow. </p><p>You started turning around. </p><p>Saw a the tip of a spear nearing your back, right where your heart was. </p><p>Saw the spear drop when the attacker -a big, beefy guy who had to be the third member of the Tani team- was caught by surprise: Iemaru had dropped down on top of him, stabbing him through his thick neck with a kunai. It went clean through. His gray eyes were still lidded, blank, expression unchanging. </p><p>The guy dropped, Iemaru vaulting off before he hit the ground. </p><p>"You could've done that earlier," you settled for, raising your hand to lightly touch your left side: definitely broken ribs. Your lungs burned for oxygen but breathing properly was like getting stabbed repeatedly so light inhales it was, no matter how out of breath your body was telling you to be. </p><p>He shrugged, bending down to pick up the kunai, wiping it on the guy's shirt before slipping it back into his holster. Kei, still careful with her knee, walked back down the tree with a hopeful smile and cheerful violet eyes: "Great job, you guys. I hope they still have a headband, it'd be a pain if they'd already lost theirs." </p><p>"Uh-huh," you agreed, fighting the instinct of sucking in the air your body yearned for, "a pain." </p><p>She noticed your expression and, while Iemaru started digging through the defeated team's things, lifted your teal shirt enough to expose your broken ribs: the skin had already started bruising. She rested a green-glowing hand on the hot skin, making you huff (painfully) at the foreign, intrusive sensation of her chakra seeping into you. Even if it was cooling as well, the prickles didn't leave. </p><p>"Three broken ribs, all clean breaks. Nothing has to be reset, they'll heal well one their own," Kei reported, shoulder relaxing, "I'm sorry, I don't have enough chakra or skill to do much other than numb your nerves." </p><p>"Okay," you nodded. Numbing nerves seemed very nice. </p><p>"They'll still be broken, though, even if it won't hurt as bad," she warned, "so be careful, don't do anything stupid." </p><p>"Yeah, yeah," you nodded, screwing your eyes shut when the prickling feeling intensified and, just as it was about to reach its peak and become needles, became muted and distant. The immediate pain was replaced by a dull ache. </p><p>You took care not to inhale deeply like you wanted to, forcing your chakra to travel faster throughout your body to give yourself an extra boost, although you knew you wouldn't be able to keep it up for too long. </p><p>Iemaru joined you, holding up two headbands with an air of satisfaction. There were dark stains along his sleeve.</p><p>"Let's get out of this forest, yeah." </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The results of the Chuunin Exams we saw in the series can't have been very common, wars aside. Only Shikamaru was made Chuunin (as far as we know, in Konoha), and if only one person ever made Chuunin per exam that'd be... impossible when considering the amount of Chuunin and ninja. So, headcanon: due to the interruption only Shikamaru got to prove himself. Had the tournament had all its rounds, perhaps more might have been able to prove themselves despite initial mistakes or "mediocrity".</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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